Kiss On The Chic

The Bachelor...aka The Dousche bag

2012-01-23T17:50:00.000-08:00

Benjamin Flajnik is a grade A Toolbag. How rude can one person be?

I guess if your selfish enough to date 25 women at once, you figure you can do just about anything.

Do yourself a favor, and move to Canada once the show's over, cause we don't want to see your face 'round here no more!

Bye Bye Bitch.

Be nice my loves, already know you are sweet.

Bgirl

2012-01-19T12:41:00.001-08:00

I have a date with a Frenchie tonight, mmmmhmmm. My favorite foreigner.

Is it just me, or do the french, french kiss the best?

Loves and french kisses,

2012-01-18T09:51:00.001-08:00

Happy Hump Day (:

2012-01-18T09:02:00.001-08:00

Hello All! It's the middle of the week, that much closer to the weekend.

This weekend should be fun, I'll be attending my friend C's wedding reception and my BEST besties are coming to town M and CM(: AHH love them and can't wait to see them. They are also bringing their significant others, so it shall be fun to see them too. They're both dating great guys, so I'm very happy for them.

And....tonight or some other night this week my new French Man wants to get together. How fun, and he is such a gentleman. Wi Wi I like.

Alright my loves, have a great day

love you to the moon and back,

T Gettin Fresh to Death

2012-01-14T10:06:00.000-08:00

Never thought I would find my Jersey Shore match, but T you definitely filled that role! GTL baby, GTL.

giving you nothing but kisses today,

.xx.

2012-01-12T21:45:00.000-08:00

''Little bit of devil in (my) angel eyes....driving (you) crazy with that kiss me smile...

Periods suck.

2012-01-11T20:20:00.000-08:00

I hate having my period. UGGGHHH. Ruins your life.

I'd rather not feel bloated/get zits/crabby/sick/get headaches/ have cramps and feel nauseous for 5 days. Thanks for giving me a vagina god. I do like sex, but I do not like my genitals having to bleed for days every month, that kinda sucks. AND I'm terrified of blood so every time I have to change my tampon I do it with squinty eyes so I don't have to see that shit. And nobody likes talking about their period and guys hate them too.

Why can't they just be extinct already?

Alright, I'm gonna go to beddi bye, pretty tired.

Love you to the moon and back,

2012-01-10T08:13:00.000-08:00

Of course M is a dousche. Every person I like turns out to be a douche.

Deleting me as a friend on facebook? WOW. Childish.

Don't WASTE MY TIME M. Don't be a douche. Maybe next time a girl likes you and you like her as well, don't shove her in a cab by herself at 2am. That creates conflict, ASSHOLE.

Have a nice day dick.

M.G. watch out I'm trouble (;

2012-01-09T18:04:00.000-08:00

I love surprises, and boy did you surprise me!

Just in time too(: Little treat before I start classes tomorrow.

Oh M, you don't know it but you're in trouble boy...

loves and kisses,

Bgirl

Weird Timing..

2011-12-22T09:39:00.000-08:00

So I participated in my traditional Wednesday night activity last night, which is playing in a dart tourney, and it was really fun!

well we didn't win any games, of course, but we had fun losing. (:

Anyways, usually after the game we head downtown just to hang out with the locals, curlers and darters are usually out. This guy in a neon green bright construction jacket came up and started chatting with me. I immediately like him, I mean the coat was pretty sweet, if I had one I'd wear it out to the bars too.. his name is T and he grew up in Iowa and his parents live in Walker now. He's 23 and really attractive(; So anyways, he asked me on a date last night! So he's picking me up today and I have no idea what we're going to do but it's exciting!! I haven't been on a legit first date with someone in.......2 years I think. Wow. That's pretty lame haha

Wish me luck, I am a little rusty with dating etiquette :s

love you always,

Leavin on a Jet Plane..

2011-12-20T08:59:00.000-08:00

I'm MOVING TODAY!!! woo-hoooo-ey(:

Back to Fargo I shall go! Or South Fargo to be exact..

Love you all have a great Tuesday, I know I will!

Bgirl

love me

2011-12-18T19:57:00.003-08:00

I want to cuddle and kiss and be lovey dovey with a boy right now. ughhhhhhhhhh you are so dumb C. too bad you are too involved with yourself to even let someone love you! dummy. have a loney life. if you change your mind i'll be here to kiss, but i wont be dating ya, sorry.

xoxo

Honoring all of my loves..AH, MH, AK, CM, CN, FA, EW, AH...you know who you are(;

2011-12-15T11:48:00.000-08:00

The (before, and) Afters

2011-12-15T11:38:00.000-08:00

Studying in the library has never been so fun! haha. It's not that fun, but I must say the studying for Art exams are more entertaining than studying for something like chemistry, or god forbid Principles of Finance.

It's quite an enjoyable day listening to music and looking at pictures of art on my little love Mac. Mona Lisa is quite boring....but the other art is very inspiring. Inspiring me to do my most beloved hobby, write(:

Listening to great pandora little treats and discovering new art through my art class really gets me in the mood to write I must say. It's an artist named 'The Afters' Never going back to ok has really got me in a great mood. I love this artist, like on the same level as a Dairy Queen treat right now.

Side note, I have not had a single Dairy Queen treat since I don't know when....hrmmmm...no wonder why I'm not feeling so hot these days..

love and kisses, have a great thursday

Bgirl

withdrawal station, how may i help you?

2011-12-12T12:28:00.000-08:00

going through withdrawals....of anxiety medication. shitty. it's finals week at NDSU, I have 6 more exams to finish by Friday. and i'm out of fucking lorazepam. why not get more you ask? because i have no money, cannot afford more anxiety medication #1, and #2 i would rather not get addicted thank you very much. i have one more refill on this prescription, and i want to save it for something bigger than finals week.

ughhh shitty school. it will all be worth it in the end however. the light at the tunnel is there...it's just i wont be able to step out of this tunnel until June 12th...just in time for my fabulous birthday. (: so i'm keeping my chin up, the sun will come out tomorrow.

love,

Keep Calm and Carry On*

2011-12-11T10:43:00.000-08:00

I'm the type of girl that can be so hurt, but can still look at you and smile; the type of girl who is willing to brighten your day even if I can't brighten my own.

Accidental Love*

2011-12-06T22:58:00.000-08:00

Today was an amazing day, it really was. I got to spend a short while with a good friend of mine, actually two friends of mine. Once the day was done, I got in my car to drive the 35 miles back home and the song 'A Thousand Years' by Christina Perri came on the radio instantly when I put the key in the ignition. (:

'I have died every day waiting for you. Darling don't be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more. All along I believed I would find you' <3

I Love you Casey. (Note, this is the first and only time I will use a full name in any of my blog entries. This is how important this person means to me)

You could do nothing wrong in my eyes to make me stop loving you. You've rekindled my spirit back to life, and I'll be thankful for all my years, thankful to you. You may not know how wonderful you are; you are warm, kind, loving, sympathetic, handsome, and above all else noble. I could only hope some day to marry such a person. I will love you until the day I die, Casey. I hope you find the happiness you are looking for.

love you forever and always,

Motivate yourself to study BITCH!!

2011-12-04T21:13:00.000-08:00

you there! get your ass off the fuckin couch right now. put down the Klondike bar and listen. (i'm pretty much talking to myself right now since I don't have a friend roommate who will make me listen)

you are smarter than you think, and prettier too. who cares if you haven't washed your hair in 3 days?? you still showered and washed your hoo-hoo, you are a nice clean smelling individual. besides that, since you are a little stressed out, you've been eating less..which is a concern since your ass is deflating a little bit..eat more chicken nuggets, that's a priority, with lots of mayo. your love handles are deflating a little, but come on, starvation is hard to do, and it kind of turns you into a bitch. and you need your love handles for love making in the future, hard to believe right now, but a time will come when you need a little bit of handle for....whatever you know. Make sure to keep brushing your teeth, it's important. don't let nasty yellow sweaters to start growing on your chompers. it's all about the hygiene lady!! keep it clean.

be on your best behavior. ladies who are stressed about school are not so much fun to be around. get your sleep, eat your veggies and drink your water. don't let yourself get sick. only the week get sick, like freshman. (sorry girls, you really don't know how to handle finals week until your really a Junior. keep your head up....outta that toilet. stop partying so much, k thanks.)

Besides that, I dunno how else you're gonna relieve some stress. Unless you have a boy/boyfriend you can use for sex whenever/wherever you want. I heard some nasty stories about people doing the dirty in study rooms at the library. It wasn't me, but trust me, I'm thinking now....spring semester finals week...boom.

Now, go to sleep soon. set your alarm to wake up early tomorrow at 6am. don't be a pansy ass! you have a test due online by 8am, give yourself extra time and take a nap after.

YOU HAVE 12 DAYS TO COMPLETE 7 EXAMS AND ACE THEM!

Ready, Break! =(:

Love you, get your shit ready and done girrrrrrrrl!

B.lady.classy.girly.graduate.material.diplomaaaaaaa!

Nothing's Lovlier than You..

2011-12-01T09:07:00.001-08:00

Every fucking thing is lovlier than you. haha Fuck Fuck Fuck. Someone told me yesterday I say Fuck to much, but I don't really fuckin think so.

But really, everything is annoying me today. Especially logging onto facebook and seeing that some of my girlfriends have status's like 'oh he's mad at me', 'i'm not good enough for him', 'please take me back'. This shit is annoying ladies. There is a reason your guy is feeding you these lame ass lines if your reactions are like this.

You gotta grab life by the balls and just say fuck em. It doesn't matter if you offend somebody, or stand up for yourself if your boyfriend is being a dousche bag. Ladies, please stand up for yourself, who else is going to?

If you're in an abusive relationship, get the FUCK out. There are resources you can use if you are scared for your safety, but nothing is as bad as staying with the mother fucker. Get Even. Get Out. Make him regret ever trying to hurt you, or break your heart.

Break my heart and I'll break your face,

Bgirl

p.s. Happy Thursday, love you all (:

Take a Shot for Me*

2011-11-29T11:04:00.001-08:00

Song by Drake, titled 'Take a Shot for Me', makes me think of relationships with boys. Whether they are your friends or more, it is fun to drink with boys. (I haven't drank with boys in a while and I'm just taking a trip down memory lane)

I'll list my favorite drinking buddies guy wise...

T is beyond fun to drink with. He is a wise ass, and it is so fun shooting shit back at him. It amuses him, and then he gets playful. The smartest man's weakness is a strong shot of whiskey(: Love dumbing them down to my level and poking fun at T, he is cute.

B is not fun to drink with. He gets out of control and likes to punch things. Once this past spring he got into a fight and he broke a guy's jaw and broke his hand in two places. He's a scary drunk:s

C is awful to drink with. He would get drunk and scope out the cutest girl in the room and try to take her home. If that girl was me we'd have fun haha, many times he'd come to my apartment after drinking at the bar.

A is really great to drink with. He is Mr. Flirty and compliments the shit out of you. But don't let him get too drunk, he'll tell the whole room you slept with him and then it can get pretty awkward, even if he says you're a 'great lay!' haha

N is not fun to be around in general, so when he gets drunk it's pretty annoying. N is an ex of mine and we dated for 3.5 years, so he thinks he still 'has' me? He's an assbag and is very rude and disrespectful when he drinks. Ughhh don't even like thinking about it.

CJ is really fun to be around. What can I say, I've always had a crush on CJ. He's a wonderful person, and he deserves all good things in this world. Thinking about him just brings a smile to my face. I'm very grateful for our friendship and I don't want to ruin our friendship because I have stronger feelings for him. He gets very lovey when he drinks and I love it. I remember the first time we drank together I thought, I really like this guy, I don't know who he is, but damn he's a cutie. He's given me rides home from the Turf in the past too. Great, great guy.

Well that's all I feel like talking about with this subject. This song just made me think of drinking with some of my guy friends and this is what came out of it.

Happy Tuesday,

xxoxx

Goodbye, great knowin ya!

2011-11-26T20:24:00.000-08:00

C. Flaa is a piece of work let me tell you. He and I have come to an agreement to no longer speak to each other since we're not getting along. Sounds great I said, I'd love to not talk to you anymore, in fact I don't really want to see you again, so this is goodbye. And he agreed, deleted and blocked me from facebook, and I deleted all texts and phone numbers from him out of my phone. Let's see how long it takes him to call me, I give it a month max. Keep you up to speed, I'll let you know when he starts talking.

*Fella's this is what happens when you are a FUCKING douschebag and no girl wants to date you. You should probably re-evaluate some things and then maybe we can like ya again. Good luck.

To all of the men out there that don't deserve their women, go fuck yourself. happy holidays all(:

xxoxx

B. Girl

2011-11-20T20:31:00.000-08:00

.the accidental discovery of something great.

2011-11-18T22:37:00.000-08:00

maybe i'm blind, maybe i'm blind

i couldn't see you shine and shimmer

right in front of my eyes, front of my eyes..

thought i saw light, it was a faded mirror,

just a dim reflection, but

you shine so much brighter...

honey let me sing you a song

listen to my words as they come out wrong

don't run away this time.

honey let me look in your eyes

open them one at a time,

but don't look away this time.

open your mind, and let your beauty flow like wine,

but please don't leave me outside,

honey i'll try to hold you like the

starry skies we lie beneath tonight

you shine so much brighter..

honey let me look in your eyes,

but don't look away this time..

honey let me sing you a song,

listen to my words as they come out wrong,

don't run away this time.

don't look away this time.

Love you (T) you deserve more than you know.

Don't piss me off right before bedtime please. F You (not you, You! ;)

2011-11-15T23:24:00.001-08:00

Love in hopeless Place

2011-11-15T09:43:00.000-08:00

A Stranger's kindness can really brighten your whole day.

This post is a shout out to my new friend C.J. (running out of C's here!) whom I met while needing a smile recently. He not only put a smile on my face, but had me laughing and kind of re-sparked something in me. Passion maybe? I'm feeling very good and almost as if I'm capable of anything today! (Even though I write to you while wearing pajamas in bed haha).

He reminded me without even telling, that when you're passionate about something, like a career field, stick to it. If it's something you want bad enough, you'll find a way to get it. Just need a little nudge every once in a while to continue on with your journey until you reach your destination.

Well I'm off to eat some breakfast at 11:48 a.m. this almost afternoon, and to start my day. (:

Good day, and Good luck

*With a little help from my friends

2011-11-14T21:05:00.000-08:00

Ever got yourself into a pickle? Yeah....it's pretty easy to do in a state like Minnesota. Follow the link, find out information, and support one of my friends who has always had my back. Anybody got yours?

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=245462318843052

*If the link doesn't work google 'Free the Butcher' Together we can make change! (:

'Bad Bad (Ex) Girlfriend..'

2011-11-14T10:37:00.000-08:00

'My Girlfriend's a dick magnet, she's gotta have it.
She's hot, can't stop,
Up on stage doing shots.

Dirty girl, getting down, dance for guys..
Grab her ass, acting tough, mess with her, she'll fuck you up.

no one really knows ..

she likes to shake her ass, grinds it to the beat.
she likes to pull my hair..
she's naughty till the end.
she knows what she is, no doubt about it she's a bad, bad (EX Girlfriend).

See you later back at home...know one really knows..
(Is) she coming back to my place tonight (?)

No one really know's just how far she's gonna go..
Gonna find out later tonight.

She likes to shake her ass...
She's naughty till the end,
She know's what she is, no doubt about it she's a bad, bad (EX) Girlfriend.

We'll have the time of our lives....

My (EX) Girlfriend...is a dick magnet...
She's gotta have it (She'll get what she wants).

she's a gold digging, pretty bitch,
future's fading, look around all i see,
no good bad and ugly....

she likes to shake her ass, grinds it to the beat..
like's to pull my hair..

she's naughty till the (end)..

know's what she is, no doubt about it she's a (Smart), (Smart), (Ex) Girlfriend.

*Props to 'Theory of A Deadman' for the inspiration.
**Guys, treat your ladies right. If you don't, she can choose to be your EX Girlfriend (;

Love you bitches,

Bgirl

'Right now I wish you were here..'

2011-11-09T11:23:00.000-08:00

What I'd do to have you near.
Come back soon.
I wish you were here.
Miss you.

love you always,

B

Havin a Good Day....(;

2011-11-03T14:46:00.001-07:00

The early bird gets the worm..

2011-10-31T23:15:00.000-07:00

Who is on time? Is anyone on time anymore? Where are all the punctual people???

Well, I dunno if you're looking at one. (Or reading about one rather)

I'm trying to be more punctual because I'm finding it to be disrespectful of people when they waste/take up too much of your time. I mean it's great to spend time with people, and I wish that I could spend more with them, but I have a lot going on too. There's work, school, family, many other things to worry about/work on.

Sorry for the rant, just on my mind at this late hour.

Goodnight my lovers,

B

Waiting for Forever...

2011-10-26T21:26:00.000-07:00

As I was looking at recent news on fb tonight, I ran across a friend of mine from college's new wedding website. I couldn't help but be happy for her, but couldn't help but wonder, when will it be my time...? I know they say it'll happen when you're ready and 'you just know', but sometimes it feels so far off that it's a little discouraging. I mean, every little girl's dream is to grow up and have a beautiful wedding that all her family and friends are in attendance. I don't know if it's just me, but I've been preparing/looking forward my wedding all my life, now just waiting on 'the one'. Trust me, I'll be patient and wait until it's my turn, but I can't help but hope it's sooner than I think. It's so wonderful to have many of my friends getting engaged, married and having their first children, but I also can't help but wish it was me too...

keeping(!) the hope and faith,

Bgirl

Relationship Rules..

2011-10-24T21:35:00.000-07:00

3 main rules in relationships:

Don't Lie, Don't Cheat, and Don't make promises you can't keep.

...life...

2011-10-18T13:25:00.000-07:00

life...such a difficult thing for some to understand. what matters most to you? is it your material possessions that can easily be taken from you, or is it something more, something that no one can take from you no matter how hard they try? Something that most don't understand matter, something they can't even touch or see.

for me, the latter means most. being a very private person, i value things that cannot be seen by the human eye. those things are a certain feeling, certain scents, certain places that bring me back to the happiest times of my life. although i don't think a person is happy their whole life, people tend to make certain choices in order to obtain happiness. those choices we make are what life is all about. do we want to help those who need it the most, or are we going to let the moment pass and choose ourselves...

choose to be different. choose to be caring and helpful, to the best of your ability. if you choose to be yourself and to help others become the best they can be, you have achieved great success. more success than the richest of men, the most beautiful of women, and more than the average person can accomplish in a lifetime.

for if you try your hardest to accomplish these things, there is no better life to lead.

b girl

hugs & kisses & love

i love sleep, my life has a tendency to fall apart when i'm awake, you know?

2011-10-15T16:34:00.001-07:00

Ernest Hemingway knew what he was talking about. sometimes i feel like without sleep i turn into someone kinda crazy...we'll call the crazy side of me blanca..(because i was called this once in spanish class and i hated it)..

anytime i start to feel sad i tend to look at my friend A's fb page. she is so optimistic about things and i strive to be somewhat like her. she is a world traveler and such a sweetheart. if i'm ever known for something i hope i'm known for being a caring sweetheart that travels a bit to accomplish good things...that seems good enough for me. :)

traveling makes me happy, since when you travel you are displaced from your sense of comfort and it's good to be uncomfortable every day to get a broader sense of your surroundings.

i don't know where i'm going, but i promise it wont be boring..

loves and kisses,

B

Great days need to come around more often

2011-10-11T09:07:00.000-07:00

why hello there friends. how are you doing today? i'm great too, thanks for asking:) today is just a good day, for no rhyme or reason...these days i wish would come around more often. maybe it's because i got a lot of sleep last night, that's probably it. i don't get a lot of sleep normally, so when i do i feel like i'm on cloud 9. this is a great cloud to be on, it's like a normal natural high that can't be achieved by taking medication.

anyways, i'm very much looking forward to this week since i am going to fargo on wednesday, tomorrow, until friday. i have a lot of appointments to make that i made, meet with advisors, meet with a potential landlord and see an apartment i adore...all good things coming my way this week. also on friday i'm excited to drive back because i'm stopping in nevis to hang out with my friend R. not quite sure what we're doing yet, but i know it'll be fun since he's fun person to be around. i'll probably want to just chill and watch a movie, and he'll probably be down for that since he's such an easy-going person. i like hanging out with him...

anything else on my agenda? hmmmm..also going to hang out with some fargo friends i guess! a bunch of students are really busy this week so i wont get to see them all, but i'm guessing a surprise visit to the turf will uncover a lot of them say around midnight when the library closes:) haha i'm sneaky.

anyway hope you all have a great week! maybe i'll post some things from fargo..not sure yet though. i'll be staying with my sister E, and we'll probably be chill most of the week besides fun trips to big top bingo or something haha

peace and loves,

This feeling needs to go away...or maybe not..

2011-10-10T20:15:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like too much of a good thing is bad? Well what if too much of a good thing is actually good..i mean what if the good thing you have going includes not spending any money, it's simply spending time with the people you love. and what if the one person you love the most doesn't even know? this is a hard feeling to have...i know now what it's like to feel invisible..not good!

I know it's a silly thing to be frustrated about but it really kind of makes me sad:( it's a single person making me feel all of these emotions and they don't even know that they get under my skin! uggghhh. just wish this person knew more than they do, i'm just afraid to tell them..and it's not good to be afraid of something i know, but when you can lose something so easily, you're more careful with it. i'm afraid if i tell this person how i feel, than i'll lose anything that we could have had.

i'm going to watch my steps carefully, but i'll be sure to leave footprints if that makes sense...

blairy

Pessimism is out...OPTI-misim is in....fuck that

2011-10-08T07:21:00.000-07:00

i feel like this blog title should be an OPI nail color and nothing else haha.

well let me fill you bloggies in, the ones that actually read and are awesome (hint hint my dear friend A, who i could not live without). if you don't read, i don't really care anymore..

i had the most opportune time of being admitted into a health institution these last 8 days..boy lemme tell you, it was a blast in a glass! haha not really, but it was a much needed move and i'm glad my parents suggested i go. i've learned a lot; how to accept things about myself, how to let things go, how to flush out the bad things in my life in the most polite way possible, how to be patient, how to relieve stress in positive ways, and how to be a better listener and how to eat healthier! HOW did i learn all this in 8 days you say?? well when you are diagnosed with a scary sounding mood disorder, anything is possible. i will have this mood disorder for life, but i am learning to manage the outbreaks and will have to be medicated for life. i am grateful that the disorder i have is mixed and is not the most serious stage of bp. bp is the name of the mood disorder, i just don't feel comfortable typing or saying it out loud yet. i'm still a very private person, but i'm learning that in order to get better sometimes you have to talk about it.

other than that bomb of a disaster that's taken up a lot of time i have a lot of things to deal with still. do i want to be in school this semester still? do i want to work full time and get benefits? do i still want to move out in january? there's a lot of unknowns right now, but i'm really glad and grateful to have come to the root of some of the biggest emotional problems because deep down you have to take care of yourself first, and everything else comes second.

i love you all, and thanks for listening.

xoxo,

Bgirl

Sunshine follows every storm and breaks the dark of every night..

2011-08-29T21:52:00.000-07:00

why hello there. b girl is back! i kind of checked out of life for a while, but no worries i am recovered and am very happy with the person i'm becoming. i am currently living at home with my parents, which i am really grateful for, and am taking online classes while working part time at a bank. slowly i am getting back into my normal life/routine.

i am so grateful for life right now. i have a wonderful family who cares about my well being so much, friends who are so understanding, and i'm really happy with where i'm at right now. i'm learning that good things come to those who wait, and am being very patient and trying to be better with my studies and work ethic.

this second chance at life is the best thing that's ever happened to me and i'm so glad that an intervention is exactly what i needed to get my life back on track. smiling ear to ear:))

xoxo

b girl

love at first sight?

2011-02-09T18:29:00.000-08:00

do you ever sometimes think that maybe you made a decision too fast?

have you followed your heart before your head and inner instincts?

i'm feeling uncertain about a decision i've just made. i've been talking a lot with D, and have spent the last five days with him, and believe me, i haven't felt this strongly about someone in a long while. this weekend he asked me to be only his, and i honestly couldn't resist his charm. he is very sweet and sincere and i became captivated with him the moment we met once again after the first. i'm very attracted to him and very much enjoy spending time with him. from friday until today, wednesday, we've spent every day together and he's been staying at my apartment. it's been really nice and i loved coming home every day to a smile and kiss from D. just thinking about it makes my heart melt:)

how can someone fall so fast? is it normal to feel so strongly about someone in such a short period of time?

it scares me how much i like D. the reason it scares me is because it puts me in a vulnerable position and i'm more likely to get hurt because i have such strong feelings for him. i just need to chill the fuck out! geeze

goodnight and good luck

Miss you now and forever C

2011-01-25T21:44:00.000-08:00

For the past few weeks I haven't been able to help myself from thinking, 'What happened to my relationship with C?" I have never mentioned C in a post, but thought it was time to share the story of how a perfect stranger changed my life.

It was about a couple of months after. Just got back from spring break and was feeling ok again. I went out with a couple of friends to the bar, and before I knew it, I locked eyes with the cutest brown eyed boy I'd ever had laid eyes upon. Lucky for me, he was a friend of a friend, so it wouldn't be so awkward when I got up the courage to go talk to him. Before I talked to C, I told my girl S that my goal for the night was to kiss the cute brown eyed boy. (If you know me when I make a goal, I usually exceed them..sometimes not always a good thing) The next thing I knew C had taken a seat next to me, and I couldn't help but not breathe and just stare at him. Honest to god, I've never been so attracted to someone in my life. He started chatting with me and kept giving me the 'eyes'...you know the 'you're kinda cute' kind of eyes. I was so excited to finally have a crush on someone again! That night I followed C around town and ended up going over to his friend A's to hang out some more. On the drive over his car was so packed that I had to sit on his lap (well there was probably room in the back, but I felt like getting cozy;) while his friend drove. There was an instant attraction and such chemistry with C right from the beginning I knew it was only a matter of time until things progressed. During the car ride C turned my cheek and started kissing me. Just thinking about our first kiss gives me goosebumps. After that first night we were hanging out all the time, and I just loved being around him. I had felt like he was the first thing I was happy about and looked forward to every day I spent with him after the incident.

We spent much of the spring together and a little of summer, although he got a new girlfriend and he didn't spend much time with me anymore. During the fall, he and his girlfriend broke up and then we started spending time together again just before he moved away for school in the fall. Now that it's winter, we barely see each other at all. Maybe once a month if we're lucky. It makes me very sad to think that someone so important to me has become very distant. We talk on the phone sometimes and text more, but it just feels empty now that he is no longer here. The time that we do spend together he seems preoccupied and busy, so it hurts to know that he just doesn't care anymore.

He said this fall that he wished we weren't such great friends because if he married me, he knew he'd be happy every day for the rest of his life. When he told me that I couldn't help but cry on the other end of the phone. For it was in that moment that I realized, I somehow lost the best thing I ever had.

.jar of hearts.

2011-01-17T00:42:00.000-08:00

no i can't take one more step towards you

cause all that's waiting is regret.

don't you know that i'm not your ghost anymore

lost the love i loved the most.

i learned to live half alive

and now you want me one more time.

who do you think you are

running around leaving scars

collecting your jar of hearts

and tearing love apart

you're gonna catch a cold

from the ice inside your soul.

so don't come back for me

who do you think you are?

i hear you're asking all around

if i am anywhere to be found

but i have grown too strong

to ever fall back in your arms.

i learned to live half alive

and now you want me one more time.

who do you think you are

running around leaving scars

collecting your jar of hearts

tearing love apart

you're gonna catch a cold

from the ice inside your soul

so don't come back from me

who do you think you are?

it took so long just to feel alright.

remember how to put back the light in my eyes.

i wish i had missed the first time that we kissed.

cause you broke all your promises.

and now you're back.

you're hoping to get me back.

who do you think you are?

running around leaving scars

collecting your jar of hearts

and tearing love apart

you're gonna catch a cold

from the ice inside your soul

so don't come back for me

don't come back at all

who do you think you are

running around leaving scars

collecting your jar of hearts

and tearing love apart

you're gonna catch a cold

from the ice inside your soul

so don't come back for me

don't come back at all

who do you think you are?

who do you think you are??

field service lube technician

2011-01-16T23:36:00.000-08:00

what the fuck. really fargo? the only jobs you have available are things like field service lube technicians and tractor trailer delivery drivers?

i would rather be a stripper at the norther. just saying. i don't really know what a service lube technician does, but it sounds messy and like a lot of work and i do not want anything to do with that.

just because north dakota has the lowest unemployment rate in the country doesn't really mean much when there's only a few hundred thousand people living in the state and there aren't many different jobs to choose from.

why am i talking about this? well i lost my job on tuesday and if i don't want to freaking drive my car down to the red river and continue to drive into the river because my life is shit right now, then i better get my fuckin shizz together. starting with finding a job. then finding classes to take for the semester. then figure out my finances. then figure out my debt to income. then figure out what to have for dinner. geeze life is tough sometimes. i'm just gonna leave it at those because there is soooo much more that i just cannot disclose in this blog for personal reasons. AKA don't want my frans that follow this blog to know. even though it's just you 2, you know who you are, i just don't really wanna say it out loud. so forgive me.

anyways, life is shit and then you die so lets all get high. but really, all i wanna do is find the rainbow after the storm and smell the fresh raindrops dripping from the leaves of a nice tall oak and just stop and think 'damn life is good' while sipping away at a nice raspberry chai latte while holding the hand of someone i love. but it's hard to realize that i don't know if that fantasy is in my cards. i know that you have to keep faith that things will get better, but when will they? it's been a year, but in all reality this year has felt like it lasted 5 years. every day seems to last a month or longer, especially when insomnia was a nice little treat that i got last spring. oh well, i just need to learn to take the bad with the good, and to just really pay attention to the good things in life. wish me luck, i think i'll need it.

love you much,

xxxxx (only gettin kisses tonight)

let it be. it is what it is.

2011-01-16T23:07:00.000-08:00

do you ever feel like the whole world is crumbling to pieces around you, but you feel ok about it? that everyone you know feels like you're a burden to them and all you do is cause more problems for everybody? What about, the things you want most in life are so far from reach you don't know what to do to make yourself happy anymore? well, why don't you just give up. what is there to live for. what is everyone so goddamn happy about. why does happiness exist. does anyone even really give a shit about life and happiness?

why can't people just leave you alone when you wanna be alone. if i wanna be depressed and mad as shit, why can't you just let me. i don't need to be happy all the time and i am completely ok with it. it's fine with me if you wanna be all happy and shit, but don't drag people into your ray of fucking sunshine. JUST LEAVE THEM ALONE. seriously. leave me alone. let me be. all i want is to be left alone. please and thank you much.

love

'catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day..'

2011-01-10T16:34:00.001-08:00

Finally i can write my first optimistic and meaningful post for the new year. i wanted to wait until i had something good and positive to say, and boy do i have news.

1. school is going to work after all. there are so many options i never thought about and after meeting with my advisor this afternoon, he totally made me understand that my diploma is very close to being handed to me. so comforting!

2. jobs; this new internship is quite awesome. :) i love that they're so busy and they give me everything that they don't have time to do, even if it's way over my head, i love being challenged and not really know what i'm doing. what can i say i am quite the bullshitter haha.

3. family; miss them so much. E is finally back to fargo and it makes me so happy. we're going to hang out tonight after the bachelor and catch that movie the black swan. this weekend i'm going to Osseo to have a late Christmas with my family on my mom's side on saturday. on friday however i'm going to see my hs friend C and she's going to dye my hair a dark chestnutty color, can't wait! she's excited too because she is graduating soon from Aveda Institute and needs all the practice she can get. after that i hope to catch up with my bestie M and maybe grab a couple drinks somewhere. it will be a great weekend.:)

4. boys/men/potentials; there's this new guy...i know what you're thinking. really B!? you were just cheated on how many weeks ago? yes that's right, about 2. i understand, and yes everyone, i will take things verrrrrry slow. his name is M and wow is all i can say. In a quick summary of what i've discovered so far he is very genuine, sweet, caring, funny, intelligent and my personal fave shy and seems kinda dorky (which is perfect because i am a huge nerd lol). He is extremely busy, even more than me, so this could actually work maybe. we've hung out a couple of times since meeting new years eve weekend. the first time we got together he picked me up and brought me to the impound lot. !. haha so he knows already that i'm very stubborn, and get really upset over stupid situations that are sooo not my fault. he's completely understanding and just such a sweetie. we got together again on friday and went to the turf, my absolute favorite classroom at NDSU. just to let you know, it's the bar. this classroom has a booth that even has my name written on it with a sharpie, and M actually sat down in my booth before i got there. think it's a sign? anyways, while we were chit chatting at the turf we talked about a bunch of things and there was never an awkward lull or moment of silence the whole time. he has this amazing thing he does when he seems impressed or surprised, he tilts his head down and looks up with his eyes and gets the fuckin cutest smile on his face. ahhhh makes my heart melt like butter sliding down a piece of my favorite toast; cinnamon sugar with icing on top. here's to hoping that M is a sincerely nice guy who wont hurt me like all the other a holes who have.

well that's all the news i have right now...wish me luck in all my endeavours coming up soon.

see you on the flipside,

bGirl

XxXXxX (big, little, big big, little and another big kiss to you from me!)

snagle tooth drunk bum with a lazy eye...and one testicle*

2010-12-31T01:35:00.000-08:00

TOMORROW :))))))) WILL BE THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. 2011 BABY.

not only is 11 my absolute favorite number, this year features 11/11/11. can't wait for that magical day. <3 SERIOUSLY peeps, next year, tomorrow, is going to be amazing, i can tell already.

you know how everyone has at least one horrible year of their life? well mine was 2010. hence the subject of this post...my life is cosiderable to a snagle toothdrunk bum with a lazy eye and only one testicle. it suckkkkkkkked. oh well, at least my horrible year is over. think i had all my life crisis's all wrapped up into 365 days so i am so fortunate to be done with all of those buggers.

2011 i predict will be something a little like this:

throwing my head back and laughing real happy,
falling in love and getting real sappy,
making amazing new buddys,
hoping that they aren't a bunch of duddy's.

packing up home and moving to colorado,
leaving my fargo life with nothing but a shadow,
landing a job within Target Corp. in HR,
if you shoot for the moon, you'll land amoung the stars..

greeting my family in walker quite often with a smile,
receiving a hug and staying a while.
going back to graduate school,
getting an education in HR is important, i'm no fool.

it's important stop to think,
make sure the dishes are clean in the sink.
put on some lip gloss, mascara on the lashes,
light up 2010, let it burn to ashes.

<3 <3 <3

this isn't the end.

2010-12-27T21:21:00.000-08:00

we're just getting started. the road stretches on and on and on. we're moving again..

just some lyrics from one of my favorite songs 'you in the end' by matt hires. funny how a song can relate to an individual's circumstances so well. i know that in this moment, things aren't exactly what i had hoped they would be. i was upset and disappointed in myself and thought i should have to learn to discover and learn the consequences.

but i've learned that some situations/instances are out of our control. we can't blame ourselves for all of our failures when there are other factors involved in that failure. we need to give ourselves more credit.

as long as i know that a few negative factors contributed towards my feeling of disappointment, i know that i did everything i could in order to succeed. i am a strong believer in everything happening for a reason, and although you might not be able to see it right away, it will reveal itself in time and you will learn why that situation happened.

new years' is right around the corner, what will your resolution be? i think mine will be to be to realize that happiness comes from within and that the best things in life are laughter, happiness and love. there will be hard times and good times, but every time you must remember who you are and sincerely believe you are an amazing person to be as resilient as you are. with every negative load dropped onto your shoulders be sure to shake it off and step up, you will prevail.

on january 14th i'm planning on getting a tattoo on the left side of my ribs in a wild cursive type font. i'm debating on the quote but after discovering a small sign today randomly, i think i might go with 'love the life you live. live the life you love.' that quote really struck me and i want it to be written in another language. maybe german since it is my favorite language to speak.

goodnight moon,

i'm scared

2010-12-27T09:37:00.000-08:00

the blank pages of my diary,

that i haven't touch since you left me,

the closed blinds in my home,

see no light or day,

dust gathers on my stereo,

cause i can't bear to hear the radio,

the piano sits in a shaded space,

with a picture of your face,

i'm scared to face another day,

cuz' the fear in me just wont go away,

in an instant,

you were gone,

and now i'm scared....

coffee stains on your favorite book,

reminds me of you so i can't look,

the magazines you left on the floor,

you wont need them anymore,

a towel left hanging on the wall,

no signs of wet footsteps in the hall,

there's no smell of your sweet cologne,

i'm lying here alone....

i'm scared to face another day,

casue the fear in me just wont go away,

in an instance,

you were gone,

and now i'm scared....

in an instance you were gone,

and now i'm scared....

what will it take to be good enough.

2010-12-24T00:11:00.000-08:00

How can you let go of something that means so much to you?

So if you've been keeping up, T has not made such a great impression these past few weeks. Last night actually I received a text stating that he only likes us as 'friends', what a blow. I don't think I can pretend to be just friends with him. Maybe he should have not used me so much or even let me come over last friday night to his place. Maybe then I could have realized he wasn't a great person and could have learned to let go. But that is exactly the problem. He is a great person, always gets what he wants. In essance, he's me. I always get what I want. I work fuckin hard and always in the end i get what i want. In this instance however, the first time in my life, i can't win him over. i don't know what it is, but anything i try, it's just not good enough for him. it makes me upset because i should have listened to everyone else's opinion of him. no one has anything bad to say about T, i've just heard 'T is a player, watch out', and 'T isn't consistent with his girls' and 'T just uses people to get what he wants'. i chose not to believe these comments because we've been friends for years. little did i know that i would just end up to be another one of his projects. he dropped me yesterday. i was so upset i've never cried so hard. it's just the fact that i have a hard time trusting people now, and i thought since we've been friends for years i could trust him, i was wrong. it just makes me build up my walls even higher and the next person to come along is going to have to break through a lot of my shit to get to know the real me. it's hard because when i saw T tonight i kept telling myself, 'don't let him see how much you like him' and 'don't trust him, he's fucked you over so many times'. it just really hurts to know that someone who i consider close to me, doesn't consider me a good friend at all. what will it take? the worst feeling in the world is feeling not good enough, and that's exactly what i am to him.

love,

b girl

p.s. have a happy christmas

listen. learn. understand. the end.

2010-12-17T00:57:00.000-08:00

'rape's not something where you go 'well, get over it' or 'believe in peace and love my child, and it'll all be over.' well fuck you, that isn't the answer. it's a great thought, OK, but you can go stick crystals up your butt and get on with it. I'm all for love and peace, but that's not the side i work on. If somebody would talk about it, or worse, joke about it, I would be ready to kill. That's not healing. It was a very long time after that before i was able to be with anyone again. And it has never been the same as it was before.'

listen. learn. understand. the end.

'Everyone thinks that I have it all, but it's so empty living behind these castle walls..

2010-12-16T23:20:00.000-08:00

if i should tumble, if i should fall, would anyone hear me screaming behind these castle walls? there's no one here at all, behind these castle walls.

all alone, that's how i feel right in this moment. Do you ever feel like when you have no one special/meaningful in life to share it with, then there is not a life to live? i am not sharing my life with anyone, and feel as though i am nothing but a shadow or a cold mist rising from a cold lake right before dawn. the day is darkest right before the sun rises perfectly explains my life right now. I know things will get better, but in the meantime, they're not. it's hard to keep your chin up and remain hopeful and faithful when you're life is shit. boys can eat shit. school can eat shit. and apartment you can eat shit too because i can't afford your beauty anymore. life is shit.

so if you've been keeping up w posts you already know how Jan. 14 changed my life forever and i will never be the same. i can heal and learn to look past the experience, but it will be with me forever. this past weekend was extremely challenging with good friends. i was originally going to attend a wedding on saturday evening with my good friends a, m and s. the night before the wedding s calls me in a frantic/screaming/crying voice. i immediately ask where she is because i was going to pick her up and bring her to my place. she was near me so although i jumped in my car a little drunk it was completely necessary because i thought s was being sexually assaulted. when she got in my car she told me that a person whose initial isn't even worth typing in took her home from the turf and got her to perform something on him. (i'm sure you can guess what that is) anyways, i asked if anything else happened and she said no. although it was important and necessary for me to pick s up at 3:30am in the morning, i did it because i thought she was sincerely in trouble and not just feeling guilty for cheating on her boyfriend. i live 3 blocks away, just walk here next time.

anyways, fast forward to sunday when i heard the other news. saturday at the wedding s became very intoxicated, which is pretty normal for her to do, and started to embarrass herself and the girls she was with. a and m decided that she needed to sleep it off somewhere and after consulting with the bride, they decided to send her home with the bride's cousin and the girls would get her later after the reception. while s was at this house, according to her, she blacked out and awoke with this guy, the bride's cousin, on top of her in bed. they were both partially clothed and he had his hand down her undies. she immediately freaked and ran out of the room, got dressed and called a. a didn't understand what was wrong because the bride informed her and m that this cousin was trustworthy and would take care of s. m was actually in the same house as s and the cousin. so a came to the house, picked both girls up and then brought them all back to fargo. s then proceeded to tell this story to myself, her parents, friends from fl, ex boyfriends and such. while talking to me she told me the entire story, and then decided that she was raped and needed to go to the hospital. while hearing this story i couldn't help but think of my own, jan. 14, and started to panic and get nervous. bam, back where i was this winter/spring. one story is all it took and i'm back to feeling nervous, paranoid and catching a raging case of insomnia once more.

this is the worst week to have all of this brought up. not only is it finals week, but i've been stressing because i haven't paid rent yet for december and am drowning in debt. i can't afford to eat, let alone get gas or buy any necessities for school. because of not getting any sleep/being paranoid as shit, my health has taken a toll and my relationships are slacking because of my bad attitude.

although i am happy i could help s with her troubles, i am feeling very upset and envious of her situation. she is telling everyone what happened and although we don't know if she was raped, a and i have been. this is not something you like to think about, all you want to do is forget. i have done a wonderful job of forgetting since january, but when this situation came up with s and she explained thoroughly of the happenings, i am brought right back in that dark place. i don't know how to dig myself out this time. i'm envious because when this happened to me, i didn't have anyone to turn to. my best friend didn't care and my roommate didn't believe me. i had no idea what to do and when i would sit in my room and cry all day long, not one of my roommates asked if i was ok. s is extremely fortunate that she has friends that care and know how to help her. i just wish i had someone to help me when i was going through my situation, because i didn't.

i wish with everything i had that i wasn't in this dark place anymore. i do realize that there are many people in this same dark place and trust me, i will find a match and light this baby on fire and we'll all get the hell outta here.

who in the hell can we trust in this world? no one. that is what i've learned if anything. always look out for #1 and the rest will fall into place. listen to the quote 'those that matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter'. live it. drop all of the negative things in your life, and learn to love and let go. it will take a while to forgive, trust me, i'm still learning. but some day things will all make sense. there is a reason for everything. until then, on your dark days say 'fuck it' and on your bright days live it.

i'll leave you with this quote that i'm learning to live by; 'dream as if you'll live forever, live like you'll die tomorrow.'

goodnight moon,

i'm falling, i've fallen for you..

2010-12-13T01:02:00.001-08:00

have you ever felt like you trusted someone to keep your heart all nice and warm/fuzzy?

well you should be more careful on who you let borrow the key to your heart. i borrowed mine out to a friend who i was falling for. well guess what? i've fallen. i've fallen face first into the icy pavement. and guess who wasn't there to catch me? a boy named T. yes, same T as before. T, the very intelligent, good looking, gentlemen who everyone can't help but fall in love with. i've fallen pretty hard, and am having troubles standing up again.

my heart hurts. and there's no cure. all i want is for T to make an effort and let me know that he likes me too. i know that he doesn't want a relationship, which means i shouldn't have even spent time with him. that is all i see when i talk to him or spend time with him. i can actually see this relationship going somewhere. and this is the first time that the guy doesn't want me back. i have had my fair share of rejections, mind you, but i've never been rejected by someone who had been interested in me in the beginning. why did you do this to me..i've never felt so used.

this message is for T:

T, it was great while it lasted. best month and a half i've ever had and i dont regret anything. i'll remember the memories and good times we've shared. just please take one thing from this message; please please treat the next girl better than you treated me. she deserves better than this. be present. let her know what you want upfront, even if it means that she'll leave you. be honest and fair. you treated me well while it lasted. don't leave when she thinks she has a grip on you. i wish you nothing but the best. wish the best was me, but i will be alright. good night and good luck.

B

neve never never quit (?

2010-12-13T00:33:00.001-08:00

have you ever felt like you trusted someone to keep your heart all nice and warm/fuzzy?

Have I had too much of a good thing?

2010-12-06T23:18:00.000-08:00

"Hello everyone, I am a compulsive addictor to....boys. Yes that is what you heard, I have an addiction to attractive hot men. Man hunting is my #1 hobby and I do it quite often. Always looking for the hottest, nicest, most intelligent, you name it. I would rather flirt with hot men all day than work, go to school, shop, hell even eat. Well, please don't judge but that is my addiction."

"Welcome B. We will help you fight this addiction"

I wish. I need to attend an addictions course, but I'm pretty sure they don't make anything for men addictions. I think they call those girls whores, but I am not a whore thank you very much. I look and sometimes touch and pretty much always kiss (at least! come on..) but I will not skank out for a good looking chum. ;) Keep that in line ladies, no skanking out if you want to be taken seriously.

So here is my serious problem--> I've just been introduced to a wonderful guy...I know what you're thinking, 'What about T??' Well T can suck it cause I don't deal with Mr. Ignoring come get me type of boys. I need to be chased, otherwise I tend to loose interest. If T starts a' chasing maybe we'll talk, but until then, I'm on the prowel.

So this new character's name is JB we'll call him. Met him through my friend C. C is a good friend and said he wanted to set me up with JB. I was hesitant and said 'please no one too dousche-y..' haha. I didn't know who this guy was. Anyways, do you ever just meet someone and you think, 'wow this seems too good to be true'? He seems very normal, graduated in 09' w zoology and chemistry (impressive, that's what I thought too) and is currently pursuing a CFA. WOW is all I can say. First off, I melt for attractive graduated guys..they've already met a great goal and I love to see how determined/persistant a guy is when looking for a new job to satisfy his career. I think this is the best time I could have met him too. Fresh out of a relash this spring..enough time to get over it..and because he's looking for a new job, who's to say he isn't looking for a new girl? haha. Well maybe I'm getting ahead of myself here. I'm meeting up with him tomorrow for labby's mug night hopefully..he'll just have to call me first. Ahhh my hearts on fire right now with all of these great potential guys <3 I feel like I'm on the bachelorette and have many boyfriends and now all I need to do is narrow it down the the right one. JB, will you accept this rose?

xoxo

Bgirly

Should have know you were trouble from the first kiss..

2010-12-01T23:23:00.000-08:00

So there's this guy. We'll call him T, for confidentiality reasons of course you understand. We have been friends since Freshman year back in 06'. That's quite a long time in college years..anywho T and I have been great friends since as long as I can remember. Over this past year T has become very friendly and always seems curious as to what I'm up to, and wants to hang out with me. Finally when I caved in this summer and thought 'hell, why not?' then T happened to stumble upon Miss ND..no worries though, the only dated for a few months. This Miss beautiful was then sadly dumped by T. :) hehe her trash is my freakin treasure.

Anyways, over the past few weeks T and I have been spending some time together. My favorite times with T were just laying around my apartment buzzin while drawing stars and ufo's on each other's arms. Then the night came when I met up with him at Dempsey's. He held my hand that night and didn't leave my side. We hopped around town to Rooter's, and then the OB. By the end of the night we started walking to his apartment, he conveniently lives downtown..while there we drank some more and he took me to his kitchen. I sat up on his window ledge overlooking downtown, such a beautiful sight of the city. T was in one of his smart rants regarding molecular biology and other sciences I don't understand. He looked so adorable in that moment, I'll never forget it. I grabed him by the shirt, pulled him close and kissed him. It was the most sensual kiss I have ever experienced. T has such soft lips and knows exactly how to use a little tongue to make the kiss sexier. One thing led to another and the next thing I knew I woke up next to him in bed the morning after. I was turned away from him and he had his arm on my side. I immediately thought, 'what kind of mistake did I just make?'

T put my concerns to rest however, such a gentleman he is. He asked me to stay in bed all afternoon, cuddle and snooze. There's nothing I wanted more in that moment. Since then we've spent some more time together, it's been nice seeing how our friendship has progressed into something more.

However, when something seems to good to be true, it usually is. I don't know if I did something wrong or offensive? T has been ignoring me, and when I contact him he's 'busy' or 'working on homework'...there's only so many times I can be turned down before I loose interest T, watch your step. The last time we were together was Friday, so it's been only five days, but still...if I don't see him within the next few days I'm going to try really hard to forget everything and go back to the way it is.

I hope he doesn't make me forget, I don't want to. I want to remember every touch, kiss, smile and laugh. Whenever I want something so much, it tends to not work out. Why is this! It frustrates me very much.

Here's a shout out to T 'Hey Boy, get your shit together. Ask me on a date, preferably not to get drinks at a bar with all of our friends. Ask me to a nice restaurant, hold my hand, be the gentleman that I know you are. That is all. Oh, and Kiss me Goodnight'

B

don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.

2010-10-25T21:04:00.000-07:00

Why can't i want what's best for me? No, i choose to want only harmful and dangerous things. Is it because I can only feel miserable anymore? Have I been pretending to be happy all along? Maybe.

It's fall semester and I just got a reality check. I need to kick my ass into gear in order to boost my gpa so i can remain in college. Last semester was the worst time of my life, and it took up until just now to finally get my smile back. Right now I'm prioritizing my life into what's most important; Family, friends, school, work, and I'm hoping to build my faith back up onto the top of that list.

I've been geniunly happy since school started back up again. I can't express how happy and grateful I am to finally feel this way again. After what happened I thought I could never love or trust again. I thought there was nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to. But I've learned there is so much in life to be grateful for. So many things can happen throughout your day to put a smile on your face.

If there is anything in this world I want to do is to tell and show people how much they're cared for. There is so much meaning in a smile or a friendly hello.

I can tell you from my experiences that those simple acts of kindness helped me get through my darkest times. A good friend of mine, who i'm not in too much contact with anymore which makes me sad, saved me. He had no idea he did, but he saved me in every way a broken girl could be saved. I owe him everything. He showed me to the light again. He helped me find my faith, and answered all my questions I had about life. I want to help someone like he helped me. He literally picked me up when I had fallen and told me everything I needed to hear and was the best shoulder to cry. He was there whenever I needed someone to talk to in the middle of the night when I was scared. He was always willing to pick me up and just drive around town. My favorite time was when we were driving around town and i said we should visit my favorite spot in town. I proceeded to tell him where to turn, and finally when we reached my favorite spot he turned to me and told me he couldn't believe it, but that was his favorite spot too.

I miss him so much. Why did we drift apart? I hope to see him and talk to him soon.

create your own destiny

2010-02-18T21:41:00.000-08:00

so i've been doing a lot of thinking lately...and with the help of my shrinker (yes i see a free counselor at school, there's nothing to be ashamed of) i've discovered what type of person i am when it comes to love. i tend to put my heart not only on my sleeve but on the tip of my finger and it seems like before i was willing to let just about anyone toy with my heart and emotions... before when an attractive guy talked to me i just lit up and was excited and wanted to kiss and date..i moved wayyyy to fast! geeeze. i could be considered a lonely type of person, because i love to share my life with people and i love being an important part of other peoples lives...before boys made me feel a little bit more complete inside and made me feel so special and important. no, those boys were not special and treated me good to get what they wanted and then the were gone, poof! whether it be a date for the night, make someone else feel jealous, or them feeling lonely and desperate, i feel as though i've gotten the short end of the stick when it came to relationships. but you know what i'm starting to learn? you first have to love yourself, every little piece and until you love yourself completely and you know exactly what you want, then you are maybe not ready to be in a comitteed relationship because youre not being fair to yourself. lately i've really been thinking about getting a tattoo...it seems so taboo! i've never wanted a tattoo before because i really had no purpose or reason to get one. now that ive lived through a traumatic experience i want to do something to remember to always stay strong no matter what happens and to always keep on loving. my mom got me a ring last year for v-day and it says 'keep on loving' and ive really tried to live life by that motto. no matter what happens to you, or how you can be hurting you just have to remember to love the ones that matter most and also to know that people love you too. keep on loving to me means keep on trucking and dont give up no matter what life throws at you. so i was doing some research and came across a couple good ideas..i love how tattoos look in writing on the ribcage right below the boob area...maybe something about love in a different language written on my left ribcage would be beautiful and it would be right near my heart..that way i'll always know that even though something bad had to happen to me i grew as a person and i'm better now because of it. i don't know what i want it to say though...maybe 'keep on loving always', 'live to love', 'love the life you live', 'cherish the loves of life'. i'm really not sure. i also thought about maybe getting a small heart on my foot somewhere...meaning to always be careful where you step, but make sure to step up when you have the chance to find love. i don't know...but all i can think about right now is getting a tattoo!

caught a case of boy crazy..

2010-02-13T08:04:00.000-08:00

Hello friends,

Why is it that girls are so boy crazy?? I don't know about you all, but they are on my mind 24 hours a day 7 days a week...can't get enough of those good looking guys! So it only makes sense, that I'm never quite fully satisfied..kind of.

This character K I had been 'seeing' for the last couple of months last weekend told me he didn't want to date me, in a nutshell basically..so I was like F off!! Not really because I still like him, but I can't waste my time on boys that don't give a crap..it's not fair. So last night I decided that it's time for 'me' time and to have fun! I went over to my friend A's downtown and met a bunch of sisters there...then went to the bar to meet up with friends and kept noticing my friend H's wandering eyes and hands...and I kind of liked it. I mean I've always had a crush on H and this past summer at we fest we ended up locking lips and it was amazing needless to say..but anyways I ended up taking a cab by myself to his house-not smart! Do not get in a cab by yourself!-and ended up spending the night kissing him and cuddling with him and his wiener dog M. (yes, I even censored the dogs name...you can't be too careful in a world like this!) He is really a great guy and deserves only the best. Ahhhhh I like him a lot...is that a bad thing? Always had a crush on him, we've been friends for years...I think it's ok. Tonight he wants to hang out again and I'm super excited! Have to make sure I wear something sexy! Maybe if I'm lucky enough by the end of the night I'll get to see his wiener again...his wiener dog you perves! bahaha

~B

fancy fun weekend

2010-02-07T20:27:00.000-08:00

I need to post something upbeat after that debbie downer shit I just wrote..ha. Sometimes I feel like writing these wall posts is like writing in a journal that other people can comment on. It's great therapy let me tell you.

So this weekend was so fun. Here's a low down:

Friday:
Went to a bar named Chub's with K (the new boy! not really new, I've known him for years but I finally confessed my undying love to him at the bar on new years when I was a little tipsy. Glad I did though! He asked for my number and we've hung out every weekend since:)) So we'll call him K or Km I haven't decided...anyways went to the bar with his friends, met up with his cousin C and his girlfriend KJ. All his friends are either super serious or engaged. ahh! He came home with me (obviously) and we cuddled and made out it was fun. He is a really great kisser, and he has absolutely no chest or back hair which is amazing in my book. I also tell him that I've never dated someone with so much hair or such controlled eyebrows...he always asks who I've dated then..um hello! Baldies with f'd up eyebrows! Any of my girls can attest to that. He's such a sweetheart but don't get me wrong he can piss me off too. I think he does it cause he thinks I'm cute when I'm mad...not funny K! But anyways he is all that I want but what I cannot get! It's so frusterating...we got into it last night because he said he cant do long distance. Excuse me, 70 miles is not that far! I've dated someone 5 states away for a whole year, 70 miles is completely attainable! I think he uses it as an excuse because he doesn't want to get hurt again. After the fight I turned over on my side and cried myself to sleep while he rubbed my back. He's the sweetest asshole I'll ever know. It was if he said 'I don't want to date you, but I really like you'. WTF dude.

Saturday:
My bestie M's birthday party/going away party. Invited M, B, P and K over to drink before going to the Turf. M got so wasto that at the turf she passed out w her head on the table. K and I decided then it was time to bring her back to my house. After carrying her in the house we set her on the couch to sleep. Speaking of sleep I can't do it anymore without the scary help of ambien. SCARY. That drug makes you feel so trippy and messed up. I didn't take it last night and only got 3 hours of sleep. So I went to the living room, woke M up and we chatted for a few hours. You know you have a great friend when you can wake her up at 4am make half a dozen burritos, eat them all while watching sex and the city and talk about life in general...and after that go back to bed where a cutie ass is waiting to cuddle with you. Oh life was so nice last night:)

Sunday:
P came to pick up M from my house and they invited K and I out for Breake. Delicious, and I paid because I don't want K to think I'm a diggin for gold flakes. Especially when he always buys dinner and drinks for me. He really appreciated it I think. Then he left to go home and I slept on the couch for about 3 hours. I went to the grocery store with my roomie S and bought a shit ton of food I don't need...don't shop on an empty stomach, you will spend every penny you have! Now I'm veggin out procrastinating on studying, and all I want is to go to bed but have K lying in it too...makes me super sad that I only get to see him on the weekends. He told me that he's going fishing with his dad next weekend..aka we're not hanging out for V-day, or should I say VOMIT DAY. Seriously, nobody likes V-day unless they have someone special to share it with. I thought we'd hang out but I guess the fish are calling. Whatevs...I got him a really sassy card that says 'You know by now that I'm very stubborn...but this Valentine's day I want you to know one thing...(open card) I'm worth it!' Thought it was very fitting. I also got him another card that says 'This Valentine's day I hope to get my hands on a lot of junk mail (open card) did I say junk mail? I meant male junk' BAHAHAH! I hope GV isn't embaressed reading this (you know who you are, you own an obese black cat that tried clawing out my eye, that help?)

Anyways, I hate V-day this year...I'm just bitter that K doesn't want to do anything with me.. whatevs..I think I'll play the hard to get card this week, I know that will drive him crazy...good plan.

Goonight peeps,

B

new year, new life

2010-02-07T19:42:00.000-08:00

Back at it. Life took a turn down a one way road and I had to swerve back in forth imbetween oncoming traffic. Got hit by a bus, then run over by a motorcycle then slapped by a shemale. Everything shiny and sparkly had left my life. I layed in bed all day long, lost some good friends, found a new job and am moving to my own apartment. Sometimes in this world the only person you can depend on is yourself. I learned that the hard way.Life has been real shitty since the start of the year. I wasn't actually hit by a bus..just figuratively speaking.

But honestly since you don't know who I am, I can tell you that sometimes life takes a shit on you and you really have to learn how to clean yourself up and get that sparkle back in your eyes. In order to be happy and love yourself, you really need to trust yourself and know that you're a good person no matter what happens. Some things are out of your control and you have to know that it's not your fault. It's so easy to blame yourself, but that will not make you heal and become happy again.

Do what you need to do in life to be a better person. Live for others and take care of yourself. Be friends with loyal, loving and supportive people, the rest don't matter.

To the person that tried to steal everything from me:

FUCK YOU. I hope karma comes up and shoots you in the fucking asshole you cocky ass bitch. If I had it my way, my dad and I would go target shooting and fucking rope you to the target. You would be toast, I would sprinkle cinammon and sugar on you, drench you in gasoline and light you on fire. YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE ROT IN HELL. I told you that you had a horrible name, that I didn't want to dance with you, and never to kiss me. What do I get in return? Everything I've ever worked for stolen. Embaressment in front of my family and friends. A return ticket to court, because apparantly in the state on ND taking advantage of someone when they're intoxicated is perfectly legal. Thank you detective asshole. Every girl who reads this I want you to know one thing: NEVER let yourself get too drunk at the bar while you are with people you think are 'good friends' and NEVER let them leave you at the bar when it's time to go home. I hope you have better friends than me, because maybe if someone was looking out for me that night, I wouldn't have had this happen to me.

I can handle myself, I am a strong, independant young adult who will change my life and become a better person. Currently I'm putting things into perspective: 1.Family 2. Friends 3. School 4. Career and I'm not sure where boys fit in on that list...probably like 1.5 or 2. Make sure that you have good friends who actually care about you enough to drive you to the hospital when you are hurt, or make sure you have a ride home from the bar.

Be the friend to others that you wish you had yourself.

Peace and love,

B

Reconnecting with old Roomie

2009-07-07T15:49:00.000-07:00

So tonight I'm having dinner with my old roommate M. I'm a little nervous because we haven't spoken really or have seen each other since the end of May.....we kind of went our separate ways. I'm excited to see her though, and catch up over the last two months where we were not in each others lives. It will be nice to see her new place and to hear how her and her boyfriend are doing. Her boyfriend actually introduced me to M the guy I'm kinda with. Her boyfriend P is a super great guy and it will be nice to reconnect with M so we can all hang out again. So we're eating at a mexican restaurant (because I'm so craving a chimichanga or anything of the sort) and having margarita's! (or at least I am) Wish me luck!

On another note, I will be heading off to CO next week to visit M! I'm super pumped about it and cannot wait to be in the beautiful mountains...I bought a couple of new outfits tonight to wear on the trip. A couple pairs of cute colored capri pants. I'll be flying out on a one-way ticket next Thursday and M and I will be driving back home together the following Sunday and Monday. We are staying with his sister in Nebraska on the way back. She is a swimmer at the UNL and can hook us up pretty good it sounds like. Hopefully the long ass car ride will not make M and I get on each other's nerves....

This weekend I'll be going to the Cities with my bia R. It is her birthday (25! so old she says) and there's going to be a group of us going to the basillica block party on fri night, then we'll also hit up valley fair and a twins game. Should be an awesome weekend! Now that I'm 21 of course! I need to make sure that I don't drink a lot of money away........good thing I've mastered flirting with guys so they buy me drinks! HAHA M would not appreciate me writing that...

Have a good week,

xo

b

Missing a boy named M

2009-06-15T19:39:00.000-07:00

Today at an appointment while I was talking to one of the nurses I blurted out that I have a boyfriend. It really took me aback because although I said it, it still doesn't mean that I'm ready to call M my boyfriend..I do care about him a lot and want to see where things go, but we've only dated a few short weeks. Earlier this spring I got out of a long time long distance relationship-2 year long to be exact. I thought my world had ended and that there was no way I could possibly live without being with someone. But over the past 4 months since then, I've realized that I am a very independent person and love being single and feeling as though I'm not obligated to please another person. I still haven't quite learned how to manage relationships with guys so that I don't shut everything else out. Lately I've been noticing myself doing just that and it's made me a little edgy....M and I talk on the phone every day for an hour or so, and I need to find a way to tell him without hurting his feelings that we each need our own space too. We can go a few days without talking to one another. I don't know it's just too much too soon. The jets need to be cooled down, I'm feeling a lot of pressure to become a couple and I don't think I'm ready for it. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy talking with M and getting to know him every day, but I'm at a loss of what to do. This weekend I'll be heading to the cities, as M is coming up for a visit from CO where he is working this summer. I'm nervous to drive to the cities, but I know I can do it! I'm staying with my kick-ass auntie C and her kids G and C on Friday night so I know that will be fun! I just hope we can go to dicks...oh how I love dicks. (It's a bar you pervs!) I'll pick M up from the airport Saturday morning and we'll be staying with a couple of his friends for the weekend. This visit will be a good test to see how we react after spending 3 straight days with one another. I hope all goes well, and wish me luck!

xoxo

b

All this free time!

2009-06-10T14:18:00.001-07:00

Now that school's out and I only work part time, I have so much free time on my hands! I spent the last couple of weeks with M-the new boy:):) We kept busy with bike rides and baseball games and camping and hiking...seriously haven't been on a single bad date with him! And then I just got back from Oklahoma-family trip to see the cuz who just graduated. That was fun, such nice weather in OK! However driving back up to MN on Sunday was such a treat. While we were driving through Missouri there were tornado warnings everywhere, I haven't been that scared in a long time! There was a point where every car on the interstate had pulled over and put their four way flashers on. The lucky bastards pulled over underneath the bridge...and then we saw a semi in the ditch! Weird Weird...then we got to Iowa and all was well.

Again with my newfound free time...M moved to CO until July helping out at this awesome kids camp otherwise I'd be spending a lot of time with him...so now I keep myself busy by cleaning this nasty frat (did I mention earlier that I moved into a fraternity for the summer?) and watching the bachelorette and eating ice cream. I think it's time for new hobbies. I just got some new running kicks and I want to take them out for a run today. My hottie physical therapist recommended some trails down by the river...maybe I'll try them out? I need to get back into reading too! I cannot find my twilight-new moon book however...hmmm I do have another called 'The smart one and the pretty one" I started it months ago and set it down. Tonight I'm going to go on a walk with my friend R and her dog Reese. That should be fun!

I'm going to get moving I'm determined! So I'm going to write a nice card to M and mail it to CO and try to motivate myself to go for a run down by the river!

ttyl

-b

Addictions~

2009-06-02T06:27:00.000-07:00

Do you have any addictions? I think that I have multiple, but nothing that is really harmful or dangerous for me....some examples are Dairy Queen, shopping, and blended chai teas.. But do you think someone could become addicted to something as little as bc? All you ladies know what I'm talking about, I don't really ever say that word out loud-same for pp or a lot of other words actually. I consider myself a lady and don't involve those dirty words in my vocabulary. But ever since I ran out of my last pack of bc I've been having such horrible headaches. It sounds crazy but I've been on bc since about seventh grade..so that makes it-about 8 years..is that bad? But I haven't taken any pills since last week, probably picking up the prescription today, but I've been feeling so weird/icky without taking them. But is that really something bad to be addicted to? I dunno. All I know is that I'm a crabby bizzo today and everything is pressing on my bitch button.:( Being crabby is no fun.. Hope this day goes well cause this morning sure suckkkks...

Freak Show

2009-05-20T06:27:00.000-07:00

So it's been a busy last few days...this past weekend I went to my sister A's graduation, and then her and I both moved out of the same apt on Sunday and I moved into a new place on Sunday...just crazy busy with that work and physical therapy..nutso. Anyways, I moved into a fraternity for the summer cause the rent's so cheap and sorority girls are encouraged to move in because we can't stay at our own sorority houses. It's a weird law that hasn't been changed in ND about more than 5 women can't live in the same house for over a 9 month period-weird brothel law...whatever. But I've slept at this fraternity for three nights now, I live in a suite with my friend L. Last night was a shit show for sure...and not in a good way. I woke up to guys running down the hallway screaming, and then someone used a master key and came into my suite and starting banging on my own bedroom door. I only have one guy friend that lives there this summer so I was scared as shit. I screamed "WHO ARE YOU?!" When they continued knocking for 5 minutes. There was no answer, and just then I heard a girl down the hallway scream bloody murder. I froze in my bed and started sweating like a mad man, a bajillion things were running through my head, I tend to think the worst in scary situations. I'm thinking 'oh my god i'm on a lofted bed there's no way I can aviod this break in' 'shit why didn't I think to have a knife on my bedside table?' 'fuck my window is open wide they can cut the screen and come into my room' 'fuck fuck they have the spare to my bedroom door, should I just pretend I'm not here?' Trust me dudes, do not mess with women during the night! Seriously, it is scary shit and especially when we're in an unfamiliar place sleeping alone in a room. I'm still spooked this morning. I actually called this guy M-who I have not blogged about yet, I'm kinda seeing him:)-and made him calm me down. M is such a nice guy for answering his phone at 3am on a wednesday morning and calming me down...major brownie points for him. He was in mpls last night otherwise I would've made him come over.
Let me introduce you to M. He is a friend of one of my friends and I met him this past friday night...we hit it off well-a lot in common and we just mesh well. We've hung out everyday since then; we went biking-I totally fuckin wiped out h-core in the street-HAHA!, and last night we went to dinner, and then I ended up givng him a late night call. He graduated from NDSU last year, and he will be attending Medical School this fall at the U of M in the cities. He is soooo nice, he genuinely cares about everyone in his life. He is super funny and makes me laugh all the time. M does have a weird obsession with chapstick, but he is an amazing kisser-maybe moisturized lips make a big difference? We're hanging out again tonight, I think we'll see a movie. I can't wait to see him again! I just want to make out with him all day long he is such a good kisser! And I am kind of a make out whore so I know a good kiss once it hits my lips...ha
Well anyways that's all for now, hopefully I wont have any more run-ins with crazy frat guys and hopefully things with M keep going great!

peace bitches
xoxo
B

My bestie's engaged!!

2009-05-14T19:24:00.000-07:00

OMG My bestie W from my hometown is engaged!! I'm so incredibly excited for her and her fiance' S! My mommy pants just called me and told me all about it. I can't believe that little stinker S didn't even tell me about it when I was at the bar with them couple weeks ago! He probably thought I'd slip and tell her (and he's probably right;) lol) They're in Vegas right now celebrating W's 21st and he proposed! I don't know how or when and whatnot-she doesn't know that I know so I'll have to act totally surprised when she tells me(!) I'm just so excited for her! He is such a nice guy and we've always thought they belong together and this just proves us all right. Weird feeling, having the first of all of my HS friends get engaged-but I'm still thrilled:) She deserves nothing but the best, W is such a down to earth girl that always has the best interest in mind of everyone else. I've never been more proud of her. Ugh I'm getting all emotional and just want to cry and be happy with her and I wish she would just be home right now! Oh W you have just grown up so fast, I rememer learning German swearwords in McIver's class together, growing up with you at the DQ, our senior prom, making a 'scary' movie up north at A's farm, sceances at A's cabin, and who could forget going to the porn shop in Munich. We've had so many great times together and I can't wait to join you for this one too. I love you W, CONGRATULATIONS!

Boom Boom Pow

2009-05-10T11:54:00.000-07:00

Yes I am alive! No worries, just lost Internet in my apartment for a few days...kinda weird being out of the loop of the online world..

But anyways, things have been really good for me right now! School is winding down, no more classes just finals and no more organization work or meetings!! The apartment situation with M is going good too...I mean we're not bff's but we're very civil towards one another. We have been talking normally and getting along just dandy..and I am excited to return my books for moneys too:):)

This week will be a fun week, I'm dunzo with finals on Tuesday afternoon, and then I'll have to do is work. I just started physical therapy for my neck and will have to do rehab three times a week for four weeks...! I thought it would be all nice getting rubbed down by the hottie that works there, but watch out for that lady! She will work the crap out of you, I feel like I got beat up! But therapy isn't very easy..for necks at least. I've been only twice so far, but this last time I went they put a couple resistant bands around my neck and attached weights to them as I put my head back as far as it could go. I had to stand still with my head awkwardly back with big straps around it for 5 minutes. The whole top of my back and neck went numb and tingled. I mean it's not hard work but it's very uncomfortable and hurts, but hopefully it will all pay off in the end. Meantime I'm supposed to do these weird neck exercises...I call one the double chin because I have to move my head back as far as it can go in repititions..haha! I look like such a freak tard at the clinic with all of these devices strapped to my head! The first time I felt like I was wearing a helmut and about to hop on the short bus...all in front of cutie-let's call him chiro hottie, he really works magic with his hands...I daydream the whole time he is breaking up scar tissue in my neck...that's kinda weird haha.

Moving along, my sister A is graduating next weekend!!! I'm so very excited for her and to have all of our family come to our campus! Some of our rellies have never even been on our campus so it should be quite fun. This summer should be fun as well! I'll be moving into a fraternity house, yes mother girls and boys will be living on different floors, and hopefully will be sharing a room with my friend L. B and K will be there too though, so that should call for an interesting summer!

Summertime will be so fabulous! I'll finally be turning 21 next month, so I can go to the bars with R!! Maybe then R, M, IA and myself can hang out more so I can get closer to IA! haha I think he may be hard to crack, but I'm always up for a challenge. This will be my first summer staying here, will be a little hard living with no lakes, trees or lakes....but hopefully weekends will be filled with fun at the lakes. Maybe my first time attending We-fest too? I'm going to try to work the beer tents at Country Jam too....will definitely be an interesting summer that's for sure!

Posts will becoming along more recently now, without school what else could I be spending my time doing?

Good luck to everyone on Finals! Kick some ass!

Soooo Tired..

2009-04-30T22:24:00.000-07:00

This week has been something else let me tell you....Lots of stress going on with the whole roommate situation, school is getting absolutely annoying with the truckloads of homework I've been doing and it seems like it's gone on for forever. I went to the doc on Monday and he told me it almost seemed like I have pneumonia but then he decided it was bronchitis. So that has been pleasant-feels kind of like asthma in a weird way? But besides the fact that roommate M has made my life a living hell this week, it hasn't been that horrible. Well maybe it has...tonight M actually apologized to me about how she's been treating me-I know strange! I really didn't know what to think or even say....just amazed that she would apologize! It is a big step for her, but I'm not letting her off that easy-she did some pretty mean things to me this week. I mean she ignored me for the past two weeks-the only conversing we did was yelling- she trashed our apartment when her friends were over drinking Tuesday night, I have slept at my sister A's place for the past few nights, and she has been openly stating how much of a bitch I am to put her through this 'horrible situation'. I have read and seen with my own eyes how evil and cruel she can be and I don't think I'm ready to forgive her. It might take quite a while actually. I think we've made progress with the apology and all but not all has been forgiven. Hopefully I can actually be present in my apartment now without feeling anxious that she will come screaming at me at any second...I don't know what to think about it.

Thank goodness I'm going home this weekend. I need a little break from everything here...and it is my little sis E's big prom this weekend! I absolutely cannot wait to help her with everything! I'll even paint her little chewed off fingernails if she wants-it's her day!! I just hope we can paint them another color besides black...hmmm. I love my fam fam they always help me with my troubles and I can't wait to go see them tomorrow!!

I've been at the school's library for the past 5 hours and now I think it's time to go home to bed. But I'm going to pack my bags first, so I can leave right after class tomorrow! I'm soooo excited:)

You all have a great weekend!

loves,

b

Love my sisters!

2009-04-26T14:53:00.000-07:00

I just had a really great weekend with all of my sorority sisters! On Friday we had initiation for all of our new members, and had a fun-filled day yesterday as well. In the morning we had a 'fun run' which was a 5k run/walk around our campus. I actually jogged for most of it-surprising I know! I've gotten really out of shape, but this run was good practice since I registered to be in the Fargo Marathon-coming up quick! After the run we had a nice little luncheon with a bunch of our alumni (graduated members of the sorority) and gave out some awards. Then it was time to get ready for our Beta Beta ball! We have this formal every spring and it is so amazing. Each of us are encouraged to take dates-yes we can invite more than two boys if interested-but I unfortunately only had 1 boy to take. haha just kidding, I'm taking it easy with boys right now. Not looking for somebody to date, just taking a break. So I asked my friend J to come with me since some of his friends were going. We had such a blast! I purchased a brand new little strapless cocktail dress, and was so excited that my boobs fit in it. Trust me, when you've got some big girls upstairs and you find a strapless dress that will work, you get excited. So we ate and drank and danced the night away. It was such a blast! We sang a bunch of songs on the bus ride home and I pretty much lost my voice for the rest of the night...it's better today though with the help of the cough drops that make your whole mouth go numb. Super weekend it was. Tonight I'm going to a BBQ at my sister A's friends, should be fun too! I think I'll bring some yummy cookies.

Have a good night everyone!

B

Negative Nancy

2009-04-24T11:49:00.000-07:00

I've been having the worst last couple of days! So I finally told my roommate M that I'm moving out June 31st and she blew off the handle! I told her this on Tuesday evening and she slammed the door and walked out, didn't say too much. Then last night when we finally ran into each other at the apt since then, she friggin yelled at me. I have lost all respect for her because of the things she said to me, and I was upset so I yelled back! -Those of you who know me know that I don't yell, it is scary and I don't ever do it. I just wasn't going to let her degrade me and downtalk me without me yelling back! So she said that our friendship is over because I'm moving out, and you know what? I DON'T GIVE A DAMN! Good friends will understand if you can't afford to be living in an apt especially when the rent is going up so high, I just don't understand what the whole attack was about. It just makes her look dumb because she's trying to make me feel guilty for not living with her anymore. And now she's trying to get all of our friends to turn against me-I've talked to some, they think the whole situation is stupid-thank you good friends! I just hope that someday she can act like a mature adult who shows respect to people. Until then, there's not much hope for that girl. Ahhh my first frenamie this should be interesting-especially since I have to live with her until june 31st....at least my 21st birthday is on june 29th and moving out will be the best present ever!

Back to my home roots

2009-04-19T09:06:00.000-07:00

My mom's best friend was diagnosed with brain cancer last year, so our whole town decided it would be a great idea to throw a benefit for her and her family. K is an extraordinary woman who is loved by many, so we all decided to give back and help her out with all of the expensive medical bills. The benefit took place at the moondance fairgrounds saloon and it was such a blast! My mom helped plan the shindig and asked my sisters and I if we could help out and of course we said yes! I bet there were over 500 people there last night! There was so many things to do to! There was a silent auction, a live auction, a buffet, a cake walk, a DJ, and so many other cool things! It was so nice to see how all of our community members were so generous and caring towards a special family in our small hometown. The town that we live in consists of just a few over a 1,000 people so if about 600 showed up for the benefit-that's awesome! All of the work is sooo worth it when you see 'K' being so grateful and hugging and loving everyone that attended. I think it would be such an amazing job to plan benefits for a living. Seriously, everybody is so nice and friendly and wants to help out everyone they can. I showed up last night and my mom already signed me up to work. She said 'B you will be doing anything that involves money. So you can sell tickets and take money for the cakewalk! That's what I thought you'd be best at since your a teller and all' I thought that was funny! When I woke up this morning I heard coins clankin on the kitchen table and I thought, oh geeze mom's trying to count all of the cash from last night-might need some help. So I counted the cash and mom added up the checks and then we went to get dougnuts. It's amazing how much a benefit can raise! I was thinking it would raise maybe a few thousand, but it was much more than that! It makes me proud to live/have grown up in such a wonderful town. Everyone here is so amazingly nice and I want to raise my kids in a town like this one. I just love love love my hometown.

I'd like to think I can trust you...

2009-04-13T21:35:00.000-07:00

I just had a really great Easter weekend with family! It was so nice to see everybody again, although I wish some other rellies could have joined us..but they were with their fathers' family respectively.

Back to school tomorrow-I don't know if I'm excited or not yet...there's only a handful of weeks left so I need to savor every minute! It definitely wont be the same when everyone leaves for summer.

On to the good stuff...boys. I found out a little inside info on our guy J. He seems kinda like a sleazeball. Damn! It always seems like the guy you just meet seems pretty cool- and then all of the skeletons come out of the closet all at once! Ha It was kind of amusing because I was just waiting to hear a flaw, but it did suck hearing it from one of my girls. She informed me on how he is a playa playa-twice means twice as conniving-and was trying to get into her pants when he had a girlfriend this fall!! Incredibly innapropriate! I am glad that even though my girl K and I may be on the rocks right now, she's still got my back when it comes to little assholes.

Lets talk about a nice little guy. I was supposed to have lunch with R, M and I today-that's right hottie I!- but it fell through. That's ok though there will be plenty of other times to impress I so he asks me out finally! He may be a little shy, so I have to get him to open up! I is kinda of an odd initial to have so we'll call him IA from now on...but anyways he seems like one of the most genuinely nice guys I have come across here at school. Hopefully we can hit it off well, crossing my fingers....I think I just need to take it easy for a while...boy hunting is exhausting and can just be filled with huge disappointment. I'll spend my time concentrating on my last few weeks of school and enjoying my last few times of fun-ness with my girlies, and hopefully by grabbing that president position on the Council for next school year....

Until next time, have a fabulous night...get some sleep....and try to stop filling your mind with boys for a while-might be impossible for me, but good luck to you all!

Just asking for a little respect

2009-04-07T20:59:00.000-07:00

So now it is time to introduce you to a little bia in my life. And this is not the kind of 'bia' you want to be..her name is m and she is very different from the rest of us let me tell you. She is disrespectful, rude and ignorant-did I mention she is my only roommate? If it's not about her than she e'ffin doesn't care and it pisses me off! For example, tonight I am coming down with some kind of illness (high fever all day, nauseous, and almost fainted in public..can you say embarrassing!?) and what does she decide to do? Invite her friends over to drink and play scrabble! Eff You M! I just got out of the shower looking like hell, not wearing a bra, and downed three sudafed so I can pass out soon. Not what I want to be dealing with right now...This is why I have been thinking the last couple months that I absolutely need to move out, like asap. I could be living in my car down by the flooding red river and be having a much better home life. haha, probably not but in all actuality living here sucks. So I've been apartment hunting secretly at work and have found some pretty cute one bedroom apartments. You know you're becoming a big girl when you decide to start living alone and you would like it much better than having roommates. I think another thing that bothers me is that I am pretty particular with my living quarters-as in I need to have everything looking the same at all times. I always make my bed and put my dishes in the dishwasher and clean out the fridge regularly. M hardly does any of these things. She is living off of my food, shampoo and postage stamps and I am DONE! I am writing a letter to my landlord tomorrow and delivering it to him. That's just what I'm going to do.HAHA Sorry about all of the ranting and raving, but I just needed to get these feelings of hatred off of my chest..thanks for listening, or rather reading.

Well I am falling asleep at my keyboard the sudafed is started to kick in...hopefully the 'guests' don't come knocking at my bedroom door later for rides home..that would be just the cherry to a fine night I'm having.

Good night, tomorrow will be a brighter day

b

Migranes and Boys..might just go hand in hand

2009-04-02T16:49:00.000-07:00

So today I had a free chiropractor appointment set up-after doing sandbagging and getting a free coupon!- and it was all the way across town...but I'm a sucker for a deal so I drove the extra miles to get cracked. I love getting adjusted! It feels so good to get your spine a'crackin and then it just tingles so nice! But I do not like to get my neck adjusted-freaks me out big time! It just seems like your doc will just snap your neck and then bang! you're paralyzed in the next second...it has always freaked me out. Today when it was neck time my dr. asked if I was doing ok? He said it looked like I was in pain-embarrassing.. and I always get light headed afterwards..then my doc went into a long talk about whiplash from car accidents and how it's a big deal and then had me go get x-rays immediatly after my appt. Freak me out even more! I thought my neck was ok? But then he gives me directions to a hole in the wall place that took about 45 minutes to find..and I got hungry so I stopped at Arby's for a ham melt-yummy. Then the guy took four x-ray pics-didn't even give me any protective wear, didn't seem normal-and then gave me the pictures and sent me on my way. The pics look so cool though! I want to hang them up on my window so I can see my spine..weird. Anyways I have some major neck problems after a car accident I was in this summer. I get super bad tension headaches a few times a week and it hurts my neck to move in any direction-like looking around while driving...ouch.

Moving on, I have a huge boy dilemma. When don't I though? A can attest to the fact that I am boy crazy and always have them on my mind. But what annoys the crap out of me is; why do guys only want you when you're already over them?? It's like you meet the guy and start to really like him, and he ignores you the whole time. Then when it's like FU buddy, he comes crawling right back? Why is that? I don't get it! I met J a month ago and he finally wants to hang out-do I even want to now? I don't even know...guys here's the deal-if you want to keep the girl interested than you have to get together/talk/NOT just text within the next week I'd say. Moving on to a boy I just met and still have the hots for.. his name is I and he is sooo attractive. Definitely my 'type' but with more hair and less bushy eyebrows than normal..haha! He is extremely smart-big turn on!- and seems like a very nice down to earth guy. He only has a couple of flaws, but who doesn't right? For one he's very into fitness and eating healthy...nice and all but I worked at DQ for seven friggin years and can't give that up! But I'm becoming lactose intollerant so that is helping a little bit...and another thing, he hates cheese! WHO in their right mind hates cheese?! I have cheese on top of my cheese doritos before I nuke them in the microwave! I don't know if I could handle that....but he is the most attractive man I've ever encountered so maybe I could deal.. I just want him to ask me out! But he broke his phone so he can't get my number..crappy. Give me a call 'I' and ask me out, I might say 'yes' and actually mean it this time;)

Wish me luck for my date tomorrow, I'll be out on the town with J. He's cute and all, but I don't know if I'm all that interested anymore...he'll have to win me over for date two, just saying..

have a good night,

b

New Bloggie

2009-03-30T12:32:00.000-07:00

Hello guys and dolls,

I'm officially a new bloggie! I've always wanted to start one, and now have followed through in my word! Being new to this world, I have yet to learn the do's and don'ts...

First off, let me officially introduce myself: I am a twenty something year old university student from the midwest. I'm studying Business Administration and Finance-soon changing the Finance major to Management and throw a little HR in there too..I love hanging out with my gal pals and guy friends, recently single-woo hoo!-and have been on the prawl for hotties on campus, work at a financial institution part time, and have been involved with a sorority for three years now...

I am completely addicted to shopping and would rather spend my last paycheck on a ravishing pair of new heels than get groceries for the week-who could blame me? I live in a beautiful new apartment near campus with my friend m (names will be first letters only..) and luckily my sister a lives down the hall from me-she can invite me over for dinner! I love to paint my nails with the latest OPI colors, read the glossy's-my faves are cosmo and us weekly, and go to the movie theater. I recommend 'Shopaholic'! Like I said before I am newly single and I love it! I've been known for being involved in 'long term relationships' but have changed my whole attitude on dating-keep it light and fun. I'm too young to be settling down and thinking of marriage and babies and all of that jazz..I wear my heart on my sleeve, and am learning how to make the guy work for it-thanks m.

You may be asking yourself 'why now? why didn't you start blogging earlier?' Due to some uncontrollable mother nature situations in my current residence I have taken shelter elsewhere..there is some major flooding occuring in my current city..and have had many weeks of free time! The first week was the University's spring break, second week was hard work sand-bagging down by the red river, and this week school is cancelled again-but many of us have voluntarily evacuated..

Until I'm back in the city I wont be doing anything too exciting, but please don't get your vs panties in a bunch..there will be some wild and crazy posts to come.. Stay tuned to an exciting and adventurous last semester of the school year!

Don't think you know me just yet...

xoxo
b