create your own destiny

so i've been doing a lot of thinking lately...and with the help of my shrinker (yes i see a free counselor at school, there's nothing to be ashamed of) i've discovered what type of person i am when it comes to love. i tend to put my heart not only on my sleeve but on the tip of my finger and it seems like before i was willing to let just about anyone toy with my heart and emotions... before when an attractive guy talked to me i just lit up and was excited and wanted to kiss and date..i moved wayyyy to fast! geeeze. i could be considered a lonely type of person, because i love to share my life with people and i love being an important part of other peoples lives...before boys made me feel a little bit more complete inside and made me feel so special and important. no, those boys were not special and treated me good to get what they wanted and then the were gone, poof! whether it be a date for the night, make someone else feel jealous, or them feeling lonely and desperate, i feel as though i've gotten the short end of the stick when it came to relationships. but you know what i'm starting to learn? you first have to love yourself, every little piece and until you love yourself completely and you know exactly what you want, then you are maybe not ready to be in a comitteed relationship because youre not being fair to yourself. lately i've really been thinking about getting a tattoo...it seems so taboo! i've never wanted a tattoo before because i really had no purpose or reason to get one. now that ive lived through a traumatic experience i want to do something to remember to always stay strong no matter what happens and to always keep on loving. my mom got me a ring last year for v-day and it says 'keep on loving' and ive really tried to live life by that motto. no matter what happens to you, or how you can be hurting you just have to remember to love the ones that matter most and also to know that people love you too. keep on loving to me means keep on trucking and dont give up no matter what life throws at you. so i was doing some research and came across a couple good ideas..i love how tattoos look in writing on the ribcage right below the boob area...maybe something about love in a different language written on my left ribcage would be beautiful and it would be right near my heart..that way i'll always know that even though something bad had to happen to me i grew as a person and i'm better now because of it. i don't know what i want it to say though...maybe 'keep on loving always', 'live to love', 'love the life you live', 'cherish the loves of life'. i'm really not sure. i also thought about maybe getting a small heart on my foot somewhere...meaning to always be careful where you step, but make sure to step up when you have the chance to find love. i don't know...but all i can think about right now is getting a tattoo!

caught a case of boy crazy..

Hello friends,

Why is it that girls are so boy crazy?? I don't know about you all, but they are on my mind 24 hours a day 7 days a week...can't get enough of those good looking guys! So it only makes sense, that I'm never quite fully satisfied..kind of.

This character K I had been 'seeing' for the last couple of months last weekend told me he didn't want to date me, in a nutshell basically..so I was like F off!! Not really because I still like him, but I can't waste my time on boys that don't give a crap..it's not fair. So last night I decided that it's time for 'me' time and to have fun! I went over to my friend A's downtown and met a bunch of sisters there...then went to the bar to meet up with friends and kept noticing my friend H's wandering eyes and hands...and I kind of liked it. I mean I've always had a crush on H and this past summer at we fest we ended up locking lips and it was amazing needless to say..but anyways I ended up taking a cab by myself to his house-not smart! Do not get in a cab by yourself!-and ended up spending the night kissing him and cuddling with him and his wiener dog M. (yes, I even censored the dogs name...you can't be too careful in a world like this!) He is really a great guy and deserves only the best. Ahhhhh I like him a lot...is that a bad thing? Always had a crush on him, we've been friends for years...I think it's ok. Tonight he wants to hang out again and I'm super excited! Have to make sure I wear something sexy! Maybe if I'm lucky enough by the end of the night I'll get to see his wiener again...his wiener dog you perves! bahaha

~B