This feeling needs to go away...or maybe not..

Do you ever feel like too much of a good thing is bad? Well what if too much of a good thing is actually good..i mean what if the good thing you have going includes not spending any money, it's simply spending time with the people you love. and what if the one person you love the most doesn't even know? this is a hard feeling to have...i know now what it's like to feel invisible..not good!

I know it's a silly thing to be frustrated about but it really kind of makes me sad:( it's a single person making me feel all of these emotions and they don't even know that they get under my skin! uggghhh. just wish this person knew more than they do, i'm just afraid to tell them..and it's not good to be afraid of something i know, but when you can lose something so easily, you're more careful with it. i'm afraid if i tell this person how i feel, than i'll lose anything that we could have had.

i'm going to watch my steps carefully, but i'll be sure to leave footprints if that makes sense...

blairy

Pessimism is out...OPTI-misim is in....fuck that

i feel like this blog title should be an OPI nail color and nothing else haha.

well let me fill you bloggies in, the ones that actually read and are awesome (hint hint my dear friend A, who i could not live without). if you don't read, i don't really care anymore..

i had the most opportune time of being admitted into a health institution these last 8 days..boy lemme tell you, it was a blast in a glass! haha not really, but it was a much needed move and i'm glad my parents suggested i go. i've learned a lot; how to accept things about myself, how to let things go, how to flush out the bad things in my life in the most polite way possible, how to be patient, how to relieve stress in positive ways, and how to be a better listener and how to eat healthier! HOW did i learn all this in 8 days you say?? well when you are diagnosed with a scary sounding mood disorder, anything is possible. i will have this mood disorder for life, but i am learning to manage the outbreaks and will have to be medicated for life. i am grateful that the disorder i have is mixed and is not the most serious stage of bp. bp is the name of the mood disorder, i just don't feel comfortable typing or saying it out loud yet. i'm still a very private person, but i'm learning that in order to get better sometimes you have to talk about it.

other than that bomb of a disaster that's taken up a lot of time i have a lot of things to deal with still. do i want to be in school this semester still? do i want to work full time and get benefits? do i still want to move out in january? there's a lot of unknowns right now, but i'm really glad and grateful to have come to the root of some of the biggest emotional problems because deep down you have to take care of yourself first, and everything else comes second.

i love you all, and thanks for listening.

xoxo,

Bgirl