Why can't i want what's best for me? No, i choose to want only harmful and dangerous things. Is it because I can only feel miserable anymore? Have I been pretending to be happy all along? Maybe.
It's fall semester and I just got a reality check. I need to kick my ass into gear in order to boost my gpa so i can remain in college. Last semester was the worst time of my life, and it took up until just now to finally get my smile back. Right now I'm prioritizing my life into what's most important; Family, friends, school, work, and I'm hoping to build my faith back up onto the top of that list.
I've been geniunly happy since school started back up again. I can't express how happy and grateful I am to finally feel this way again. After what happened I thought I could never love or trust again. I thought there was nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to. But I've learned there is so much in life to be grateful for. So many things can happen throughout your day to put a smile on your face.
If there is anything in this world I want to do is to tell and show people how much they're cared for. There is so much meaning in a smile or a friendly hello.
I can tell you from my experiences that those simple acts of kindness helped me get through my darkest times. A good friend of mine, who i'm not in too much contact with anymore which makes me sad, saved me. He had no idea he did, but he saved me in every way a broken girl could be saved. I owe him everything. He showed me to the light again. He helped me find my faith, and answered all my questions I had about life. I want to help someone like he helped me. He literally picked me up when I had fallen and told me everything I needed to hear and was the best shoulder to cry. He was there whenever I needed someone to talk to in the middle of the night when I was scared. He was always willing to pick me up and just drive around town. My favorite time was when we were driving around town and i said we should visit my favorite spot in town. I proceeded to tell him where to turn, and finally when we reached my favorite spot he turned to me and told me he couldn't believe it, but that was his favorite spot too.
I miss him so much. Why did we drift apart? I hope to see him and talk to him soon.
