snagle tooth drunk bum with a lazy eye...and one testicle*

TOMORROW :))))))) WILL BE THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. 2011 BABY.

not only is 11 my absolute favorite number, this year features 11/11/11. can't wait for that magical day. <3 SERIOUSLY peeps, next year, tomorrow, is going to be amazing, i can tell already.

you know how everyone has at least one horrible year of their life? well mine was 2010. hence the subject of this post...my life is cosiderable to a snagle toothdrunk bum with a lazy eye and only one testicle. it suckkkkkkkked. oh well, at least my horrible year is over. think i had all my life crisis's all wrapped up into 365 days so i am so fortunate to be done with all of those buggers.

2011 i predict will be something a little like this:

throwing my head back and laughing real happy,
falling in love and getting real sappy,
making amazing new buddys,
hoping that they aren't a bunch of duddy's.

packing up home and moving to colorado,
leaving my fargo life with nothing but a shadow,
landing a job within Target Corp. in HR,
if you shoot for the moon, you'll land amoung the stars..

greeting my family in walker quite often with a smile,
receiving a hug and staying a while.
going back to graduate school,
getting an education in HR is important, i'm no fool.

it's important stop to think,
make sure the dishes are clean in the sink.
put on some lip gloss, mascara on the lashes,
light up 2010, let it burn to ashes.

<3 <3 <3

this isn't the end.

we're just getting started. the road stretches on and on and on. we're moving again..

just some lyrics from one of my favorite songs 'you in the end' by matt hires. funny how a song can relate to an individual's circumstances so well. i know that in this moment, things aren't exactly what i had hoped they would be. i was upset and disappointed in myself and thought i should have to learn to discover and learn the consequences.

but i've learned that some situations/instances are out of our control. we can't blame ourselves for all of our failures when there are other factors involved in that failure. we need to give ourselves more credit.

as long as i know that a few negative factors contributed towards my feeling of disappointment, i know that i did everything i could in order to succeed. i am a strong believer in everything happening for a reason, and although you might not be able to see it right away, it will reveal itself in time and you will learn why that situation happened.

new years' is right around the corner, what will your resolution be? i think mine will be to be to realize that happiness comes from within and that the best things in life are laughter, happiness and love. there will be hard times and good times, but every time you must remember who you are and sincerely believe you are an amazing person to be as resilient as you are. with every negative load dropped onto your shoulders be sure to shake it off and step up, you will prevail.

on january 14th i'm planning on getting a tattoo on the left side of my ribs in a wild cursive type font. i'm debating on the quote but after discovering a small sign today randomly, i think i might go with 'love the life you live. live the life you love.' that quote really struck me and i want it to be written in another language. maybe german since it is my favorite language to speak.

goodnight moon,

b

i'm scared

the blank pages of my diary,

that i haven't touch since you left me,

the closed blinds in my home,

see no light or day,

dust gathers on my stereo,

cause i can't bear to hear the radio,

the piano sits in a shaded space,

with a picture of your face,

i'm scared to face another day,

cuz' the fear in me just wont go away,

in an instant,

you were gone,

and now i'm scared....

coffee stains on your favorite book,

reminds me of you so i can't look,

the magazines you left on the floor,

you wont need them anymore,

a towel left hanging on the wall,

no signs of wet footsteps in the hall,

there's no smell of your sweet cologne,

i'm lying here alone....

i'm scared to face another day,

casue the fear in me just wont go away,

in an instance,

you were gone,

and now i'm scared....

in an instance you were gone,

and now i'm scared....

what will it take to be good enough.

How can you let go of something that means so much to you?

So if you've been keeping up, T has not made such a great impression these past few weeks. Last night actually I received a text stating that he only likes us as 'friends', what a blow. I don't think I can pretend to be just friends with him. Maybe he should have not used me so much or even let me come over last friday night to his place. Maybe then I could have realized he wasn't a great person and could have learned to let go. But that is exactly the problem. He is a great person, always gets what he wants. In essance, he's me. I always get what I want. I work fuckin hard and always in the end i get what i want. In this instance however, the first time in my life, i can't win him over. i don't know what it is, but anything i try, it's just not good enough for him. it makes me upset because i should have listened to everyone else's opinion of him. no one has anything bad to say about T, i've just heard 'T is a player, watch out', and 'T isn't consistent with his girls' and 'T just uses people to get what he wants'. i chose not to believe these comments because we've been friends for years. little did i know that i would just end up to be another one of his projects. he dropped me yesterday. i was so upset i've never cried so hard. it's just the fact that i have a hard time trusting people now, and i thought since we've been friends for years i could trust him, i was wrong. it just makes me build up my walls even higher and the next person to come along is going to have to break through a lot of my shit to get to know the real me. it's hard because when i saw T tonight i kept telling myself, 'don't let him see how much you like him' and 'don't trust him, he's fucked you over so many times'. it just really hurts to know that someone who i consider close to me, doesn't consider me a good friend at all. what will it take? the worst feeling in the world is feeling not good enough, and that's exactly what i am to him.

love,

b girl

p.s. have a happy christmas

listen. learn. understand. the end.

'rape's not something where you go 'well, get over it' or 'believe in peace and love my child, and it'll all be over.' well fuck you, that isn't the answer. it's a great thought, OK, but you can go stick crystals up your butt and get on with it. I'm all for love and peace, but that's not the side i work on. If somebody would talk about it, or worse, joke about it, I would be ready to kill. That's not healing. It was a very long time after that before i was able to be with anyone again. And it has never been the same as it was before.'

listen. learn. understand. the end.

'Everyone thinks that I have it all, but it's so empty living behind these castle walls..

if i should tumble, if i should fall, would anyone hear me screaming behind these castle walls? there's no one here at all, behind these castle walls.

all alone, that's how i feel right in this moment. Do you ever feel like when you have no one special/meaningful in life to share it with, then there is not a life to live? i am not sharing my life with anyone, and feel as though i am nothing but a shadow or a cold mist rising from a cold lake right before dawn. the day is darkest right before the sun rises perfectly explains my life right now. I know things will get better, but in the meantime, they're not. it's hard to keep your chin up and remain hopeful and faithful when you're life is shit. boys can eat shit. school can eat shit. and apartment you can eat shit too because i can't afford your beauty anymore. life is shit.

so if you've been keeping up w posts you already know how Jan. 14 changed my life forever and i will never be the same. i can heal and learn to look past the experience, but it will be with me forever. this past weekend was extremely challenging with good friends. i was originally going to attend a wedding on saturday evening with my good friends a, m and s. the night before the wedding s calls me in a frantic/screaming/crying voice. i immediately ask where she is because i was going to pick her up and bring her to my place. she was near me so although i jumped in my car a little drunk it was completely necessary because i thought s was being sexually assaulted. when she got in my car she told me that a person whose initial isn't even worth typing in took her home from the turf and got her to perform something on him. (i'm sure you can guess what that is) anyways, i asked if anything else happened and she said no. although it was important and necessary for me to pick s up at 3:30am in the morning, i did it because i thought she was sincerely in trouble and not just feeling guilty for cheating on her boyfriend. i live 3 blocks away, just walk here next time.

anyways, fast forward to sunday when i heard the other news. saturday at the wedding s became very intoxicated, which is pretty normal for her to do, and started to embarrass herself and the girls she was with. a and m decided that she needed to sleep it off somewhere and after consulting with the bride, they decided to send her home with the bride's cousin and the girls would get her later after the reception. while s was at this house, according to her, she blacked out and awoke with this guy, the bride's cousin, on top of her in bed. they were both partially clothed and he had his hand down her undies. she immediately freaked and ran out of the room, got dressed and called a. a didn't understand what was wrong because the bride informed her and m that this cousin was trustworthy and would take care of s. m was actually in the same house as s and the cousin. so a came to the house, picked both girls up and then brought them all back to fargo. s then proceeded to tell this story to myself, her parents, friends from fl, ex boyfriends and such. while talking to me she told me the entire story, and then decided that she was raped and needed to go to the hospital. while hearing this story i couldn't help but think of my own, jan. 14, and started to panic and get nervous. bam, back where i was this winter/spring. one story is all it took and i'm back to feeling nervous, paranoid and catching a raging case of insomnia once more.

this is the worst week to have all of this brought up. not only is it finals week, but i've been stressing because i haven't paid rent yet for december and am drowning in debt. i can't afford to eat, let alone get gas or buy any necessities for school. because of not getting any sleep/being paranoid as shit, my health has taken a toll and my relationships are slacking because of my bad attitude.

although i am happy i could help s with her troubles, i am feeling very upset and envious of her situation. she is telling everyone what happened and although we don't know if she was raped, a and i have been. this is not something you like to think about, all you want to do is forget. i have done a wonderful job of forgetting since january, but when this situation came up with s and she explained thoroughly of the happenings, i am brought right back in that dark place. i don't know how to dig myself out this time. i'm envious because when this happened to me, i didn't have anyone to turn to. my best friend didn't care and my roommate didn't believe me. i had no idea what to do and when i would sit in my room and cry all day long, not one of my roommates asked if i was ok. s is extremely fortunate that she has friends that care and know how to help her. i just wish i had someone to help me when i was going through my situation, because i didn't.

i wish with everything i had that i wasn't in this dark place anymore. i do realize that there are many people in this same dark place and trust me, i will find a match and light this baby on fire and we'll all get the hell outta here.

who in the hell can we trust in this world? no one. that is what i've learned if anything. always look out for #1 and the rest will fall into place. listen to the quote 'those that matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter'. live it. drop all of the negative things in your life, and learn to love and let go. it will take a while to forgive, trust me, i'm still learning. but some day things will all make sense. there is a reason for everything. until then, on your dark days say 'fuck it' and on your bright days live it.

i'll leave you with this quote that i'm learning to live by; 'dream as if you'll live forever, live like you'll die tomorrow.'

goodnight moon,

B

i'm falling, i've fallen for you..

have you ever felt like you trusted someone to keep your heart all nice and warm/fuzzy?

well you should be more careful on who you let borrow the key to your heart. i borrowed mine out to a friend who i was falling for. well guess what? i've fallen. i've fallen face first into the icy pavement. and guess who wasn't there to catch me? a boy named T. yes, same T as before. T, the very intelligent, good looking, gentlemen who everyone can't help but fall in love with. i've fallen pretty hard, and am having troubles standing up again.

my heart hurts. and there's no cure. all i want is for T to make an effort and let me know that he likes me too. i know that he doesn't want a relationship, which means i shouldn't have even spent time with him. that is all i see when i talk to him or spend time with him. i can actually see this relationship going somewhere. and this is the first time that the guy doesn't want me back. i have had my fair share of rejections, mind you, but i've never been rejected by someone who had been interested in me in the beginning. why did you do this to me..i've never felt so used.

this message is for T:

T, it was great while it lasted. best month and a half i've ever had and i dont regret anything. i'll remember the memories and good times we've shared. just please take one thing from this message; please please treat the next girl better than you treated me. she deserves better than this. be present. let her know what you want upfront, even if it means that she'll leave you. be honest and fair. you treated me well while it lasted. don't leave when she thinks she has a grip on you. i wish you nothing but the best. wish the best was me, but i will be alright. good night and good luck.

B

neve never never quit (?

have you ever felt like you trusted someone to keep your heart all nice and warm/fuzzy?

Have I had too much of a good thing?

"Hello everyone, I am a compulsive addictor to....boys. Yes that is what you heard, I have an addiction to attractive hot men. Man hunting is my #1 hobby and I do it quite often. Always looking for the hottest, nicest, most intelligent, you name it. I would rather flirt with hot men all day than work, go to school, shop, hell even eat. Well, please don't judge but that is my addiction."

"Welcome B. We will help you fight this addiction"

I wish. I need to attend an addictions course, but I'm pretty sure they don't make anything for men addictions. I think they call those girls whores, but I am not a whore thank you very much. I look and sometimes touch and pretty much always kiss (at least! come on..) but I will not skank out for a good looking chum. ;) Keep that in line ladies, no skanking out if you want to be taken seriously.

So here is my serious problem--> I've just been introduced to a wonderful guy...I know what you're thinking, 'What about T??' Well T can suck it cause I don't deal with Mr. Ignoring come get me type of boys. I need to be chased, otherwise I tend to loose interest. If T starts a' chasing maybe we'll talk, but until then, I'm on the prowel.

So this new character's name is JB we'll call him. Met him through my friend C. C is a good friend and said he wanted to set me up with JB. I was hesitant and said 'please no one too dousche-y..' haha. I didn't know who this guy was. Anyways, do you ever just meet someone and you think, 'wow this seems too good to be true'? He seems very normal, graduated in 09' w zoology and chemistry (impressive, that's what I thought too) and is currently pursuing a CFA. WOW is all I can say. First off, I melt for attractive graduated guys..they've already met a great goal and I love to see how determined/persistant a guy is when looking for a new job to satisfy his career. I think this is the best time I could have met him too. Fresh out of a relash this spring..enough time to get over it..and because he's looking for a new job, who's to say he isn't looking for a new girl? haha. Well maybe I'm getting ahead of myself here. I'm meeting up with him tomorrow for labby's mug night hopefully..he'll just have to call me first. Ahhh my hearts on fire right now with all of these great potential guys <3 I feel like I'm on the bachelorette and have many boyfriends and now all I need to do is narrow it down the the right one. JB, will you accept this rose?

xoxo

Bgirly

Should have know you were trouble from the first kiss..

So there's this guy. We'll call him T, for confidentiality reasons of course you understand. We have been friends since Freshman year back in 06'. That's quite a long time in college years..anywho T and I have been great friends since as long as I can remember. Over this past year T has become very friendly and always seems curious as to what I'm up to, and wants to hang out with me. Finally when I caved in this summer and thought 'hell, why not?' then T happened to stumble upon Miss ND..no worries though, the only dated for a few months. This Miss beautiful was then sadly dumped by T. :) hehe her trash is my freakin treasure.

Anyways, over the past few weeks T and I have been spending some time together. My favorite times with T were just laying around my apartment buzzin while drawing stars and ufo's on each other's arms. Then the night came when I met up with him at Dempsey's. He held my hand that night and didn't leave my side. We hopped around town to Rooter's, and then the OB. By the end of the night we started walking to his apartment, he conveniently lives downtown..while there we drank some more and he took me to his kitchen. I sat up on his window ledge overlooking downtown, such a beautiful sight of the city. T was in one of his smart rants regarding molecular biology and other sciences I don't understand. He looked so adorable in that moment, I'll never forget it. I grabed him by the shirt, pulled him close and kissed him. It was the most sensual kiss I have ever experienced. T has such soft lips and knows exactly how to use a little tongue to make the kiss sexier. One thing led to another and the next thing I knew I woke up next to him in bed the morning after. I was turned away from him and he had his arm on my side. I immediately thought, 'what kind of mistake did I just make?'

T put my concerns to rest however, such a gentleman he is. He asked me to stay in bed all afternoon, cuddle and snooze. There's nothing I wanted more in that moment. Since then we've spent some more time together, it's been nice seeing how our friendship has progressed into something more.

However, when something seems to good to be true, it usually is. I don't know if I did something wrong or offensive? T has been ignoring me, and when I contact him he's 'busy' or 'working on homework'...there's only so many times I can be turned down before I loose interest T, watch your step. The last time we were together was Friday, so it's been only five days, but still...if I don't see him within the next few days I'm going to try really hard to forget everything and go back to the way it is.

I hope he doesn't make me forget, I don't want to. I want to remember every touch, kiss, smile and laugh. Whenever I want something so much, it tends to not work out. Why is this! It frustrates me very much.

Here's a shout out to T 'Hey Boy, get your shit together. Ask me on a date, preferably not to get drinks at a bar with all of our friends. Ask me to a nice restaurant, hold my hand, be the gentleman that I know you are. That is all. Oh, and Kiss me Goodnight'

B

don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.

Why can't i want what's best for me? No, i choose to want only harmful and dangerous things. Is it because I can only feel miserable anymore? Have I been pretending to be happy all along? Maybe.

It's fall semester and I just got a reality check. I need to kick my ass into gear in order to boost my gpa so i can remain in college. Last semester was the worst time of my life, and it took up until just now to finally get my smile back. Right now I'm prioritizing my life into what's most important; Family, friends, school, work, and I'm hoping to build my faith back up onto the top of that list.

I've been geniunly happy since school started back up again. I can't express how happy and grateful I am to finally feel this way again. After what happened I thought I could never love or trust again. I thought there was nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to. But I've learned there is so much in life to be grateful for. So many things can happen throughout your day to put a smile on your face.

If there is anything in this world I want to do is to tell and show people how much they're cared for. There is so much meaning in a smile or a friendly hello.

I can tell you from my experiences that those simple acts of kindness helped me get through my darkest times. A good friend of mine, who i'm not in too much contact with anymore which makes me sad, saved me. He had no idea he did, but he saved me in every way a broken girl could be saved. I owe him everything. He showed me to the light again. He helped me find my faith, and answered all my questions I had about life. I want to help someone like he helped me. He literally picked me up when I had fallen and told me everything I needed to hear and was the best shoulder to cry. He was there whenever I needed someone to talk to in the middle of the night when I was scared. He was always willing to pick me up and just drive around town. My favorite time was when we were driving around town and i said we should visit my favorite spot in town. I proceeded to tell him where to turn, and finally when we reached my favorite spot he turned to me and told me he couldn't believe it, but that was his favorite spot too.

I miss him so much. Why did we drift apart? I hope to see him and talk to him soon.

create your own destiny

so i've been doing a lot of thinking lately...and with the help of my shrinker (yes i see a free counselor at school, there's nothing to be ashamed of) i've discovered what type of person i am when it comes to love. i tend to put my heart not only on my sleeve but on the tip of my finger and it seems like before i was willing to let just about anyone toy with my heart and emotions... before when an attractive guy talked to me i just lit up and was excited and wanted to kiss and date..i moved wayyyy to fast! geeeze. i could be considered a lonely type of person, because i love to share my life with people and i love being an important part of other peoples lives...before boys made me feel a little bit more complete inside and made me feel so special and important. no, those boys were not special and treated me good to get what they wanted and then the were gone, poof! whether it be a date for the night, make someone else feel jealous, or them feeling lonely and desperate, i feel as though i've gotten the short end of the stick when it came to relationships. but you know what i'm starting to learn? you first have to love yourself, every little piece and until you love yourself completely and you know exactly what you want, then you are maybe not ready to be in a comitteed relationship because youre not being fair to yourself. lately i've really been thinking about getting a tattoo...it seems so taboo! i've never wanted a tattoo before because i really had no purpose or reason to get one. now that ive lived through a traumatic experience i want to do something to remember to always stay strong no matter what happens and to always keep on loving. my mom got me a ring last year for v-day and it says 'keep on loving' and ive really tried to live life by that motto. no matter what happens to you, or how you can be hurting you just have to remember to love the ones that matter most and also to know that people love you too. keep on loving to me means keep on trucking and dont give up no matter what life throws at you. so i was doing some research and came across a couple good ideas..i love how tattoos look in writing on the ribcage right below the boob area...maybe something about love in a different language written on my left ribcage would be beautiful and it would be right near my heart..that way i'll always know that even though something bad had to happen to me i grew as a person and i'm better now because of it. i don't know what i want it to say though...maybe 'keep on loving always', 'live to love', 'love the life you live', 'cherish the loves of life'. i'm really not sure. i also thought about maybe getting a small heart on my foot somewhere...meaning to always be careful where you step, but make sure to step up when you have the chance to find love. i don't know...but all i can think about right now is getting a tattoo!

caught a case of boy crazy..

Hello friends,

Why is it that girls are so boy crazy?? I don't know about you all, but they are on my mind 24 hours a day 7 days a week...can't get enough of those good looking guys! So it only makes sense, that I'm never quite fully satisfied..kind of.

This character K I had been 'seeing' for the last couple of months last weekend told me he didn't want to date me, in a nutshell basically..so I was like F off!! Not really because I still like him, but I can't waste my time on boys that don't give a crap..it's not fair. So last night I decided that it's time for 'me' time and to have fun! I went over to my friend A's downtown and met a bunch of sisters there...then went to the bar to meet up with friends and kept noticing my friend H's wandering eyes and hands...and I kind of liked it. I mean I've always had a crush on H and this past summer at we fest we ended up locking lips and it was amazing needless to say..but anyways I ended up taking a cab by myself to his house-not smart! Do not get in a cab by yourself!-and ended up spending the night kissing him and cuddling with him and his wiener dog M. (yes, I even censored the dogs name...you can't be too careful in a world like this!) He is really a great guy and deserves only the best. Ahhhhh I like him a lot...is that a bad thing? Always had a crush on him, we've been friends for years...I think it's ok. Tonight he wants to hang out again and I'm super excited! Have to make sure I wear something sexy! Maybe if I'm lucky enough by the end of the night I'll get to see his wiener again...his wiener dog you perves! bahaha

~B

fancy fun weekend

I need to post something upbeat after that debbie downer shit I just wrote..ha. Sometimes I feel like writing these wall posts is like writing in a journal that other people can comment on. It's great therapy let me tell you.

So this weekend was so fun. Here's a low down:

Friday:
Went to a bar named Chub's with K (the new boy! not really new, I've known him for years but I finally confessed my undying love to him at the bar on new years when I was a little tipsy. Glad I did though! He asked for my number and we've hung out every weekend since:)) So we'll call him K or Km I haven't decided...anyways went to the bar with his friends, met up with his cousin C and his girlfriend KJ. All his friends are either super serious or engaged. ahh! He came home with me (obviously) and we cuddled and made out it was fun. He is a really great kisser, and he has absolutely no chest or back hair which is amazing in my book. I also tell him that I've never dated someone with so much hair or such controlled eyebrows...he always asks who I've dated then..um hello! Baldies with f'd up eyebrows! Any of my girls can attest to that. He's such a sweetheart but don't get me wrong he can piss me off too. I think he does it cause he thinks I'm cute when I'm mad...not funny K! But anyways he is all that I want but what I cannot get! It's so frusterating...we got into it last night because he said he cant do long distance. Excuse me, 70 miles is not that far! I've dated someone 5 states away for a whole year, 70 miles is completely attainable! I think he uses it as an excuse because he doesn't want to get hurt again. After the fight I turned over on my side and cried myself to sleep while he rubbed my back. He's the sweetest asshole I'll ever know. It was if he said 'I don't want to date you, but I really like you'. WTF dude.

Saturday:
My bestie M's birthday party/going away party. Invited M, B, P and K over to drink before going to the Turf. M got so wasto that at the turf she passed out w her head on the table. K and I decided then it was time to bring her back to my house. After carrying her in the house we set her on the couch to sleep. Speaking of sleep I can't do it anymore without the scary help of ambien. SCARY. That drug makes you feel so trippy and messed up. I didn't take it last night and only got 3 hours of sleep. So I went to the living room, woke M up and we chatted for a few hours. You know you have a great friend when you can wake her up at 4am make half a dozen burritos, eat them all while watching sex and the city and talk about life in general...and after that go back to bed where a cutie ass is waiting to cuddle with you. Oh life was so nice last night:)

Sunday:
P came to pick up M from my house and they invited K and I out for Breake. Delicious, and I paid because I don't want K to think I'm a diggin for gold flakes. Especially when he always buys dinner and drinks for me. He really appreciated it I think. Then he left to go home and I slept on the couch for about 3 hours. I went to the grocery store with my roomie S and bought a shit ton of food I don't need...don't shop on an empty stomach, you will spend every penny you have! Now I'm veggin out procrastinating on studying, and all I want is to go to bed but have K lying in it too...makes me super sad that I only get to see him on the weekends. He told me that he's going fishing with his dad next weekend..aka we're not hanging out for V-day, or should I say VOMIT DAY. Seriously, nobody likes V-day unless they have someone special to share it with. I thought we'd hang out but I guess the fish are calling. Whatevs...I got him a really sassy card that says 'You know by now that I'm very stubborn...but this Valentine's day I want you to know one thing...(open card) I'm worth it!' Thought it was very fitting. I also got him another card that says 'This Valentine's day I hope to get my hands on a lot of junk mail (open card) did I say junk mail? I meant male junk' BAHAHAH! I hope GV isn't embaressed reading this (you know who you are, you own an obese black cat that tried clawing out my eye, that help?)

Anyways, I hate V-day this year...I'm just bitter that K doesn't want to do anything with me.. whatevs..I think I'll play the hard to get card this week, I know that will drive him crazy...good plan.

Goonight peeps,

B

new year, new life

Back at it. Life took a turn down a one way road and I had to swerve back in forth imbetween oncoming traffic. Got hit by a bus, then run over by a motorcycle then slapped by a shemale. Everything shiny and sparkly had left my life. I layed in bed all day long, lost some good friends, found a new job and am moving to my own apartment. Sometimes in this world the only person you can depend on is yourself. I learned that the hard way.Life has been real shitty since the start of the year. I wasn't actually hit by a bus..just figuratively speaking.

But honestly since you don't know who I am, I can tell you that sometimes life takes a shit on you and you really have to learn how to clean yourself up and get that sparkle back in your eyes. In order to be happy and love yourself, you really need to trust yourself and know that you're a good person no matter what happens. Some things are out of your control and you have to know that it's not your fault. It's so easy to blame yourself, but that will not make you heal and become happy again.

Do what you need to do in life to be a better person. Live for others and take care of yourself. Be friends with loyal, loving and supportive people, the rest don't matter.

To the person that tried to steal everything from me:

FUCK YOU. I hope karma comes up and shoots you in the fucking asshole you cocky ass bitch. If I had it my way, my dad and I would go target shooting and fucking rope you to the target. You would be toast, I would sprinkle cinammon and sugar on you, drench you in gasoline and light you on fire. YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE ROT IN HELL. I told you that you had a horrible name, that I didn't want to dance with you, and never to kiss me. What do I get in return? Everything I've ever worked for stolen. Embaressment in front of my family and friends. A return ticket to court, because apparantly in the state on ND taking advantage of someone when they're intoxicated is perfectly legal. Thank you detective asshole. Every girl who reads this I want you to know one thing: NEVER let yourself get too drunk at the bar while you are with people you think are 'good friends' and NEVER let them leave you at the bar when it's time to go home. I hope you have better friends than me, because maybe if someone was looking out for me that night, I wouldn't have had this happen to me.

I can handle myself, I am a strong, independant young adult who will change my life and become a better person. Currently I'm putting things into perspective: 1.Family 2. Friends 3. School 4. Career and I'm not sure where boys fit in on that list...probably like 1.5 or 2. Make sure that you have good friends who actually care about you enough to drive you to the hospital when you are hurt, or make sure you have a ride home from the bar.

Be the friend to others that you wish you had yourself.

Peace and love,

B