So if you've been keeping up, T has not made such a great impression these past few weeks. Last night actually I received a text stating that he only likes us as 'friends', what a blow. I don't think I can pretend to be just friends with him. Maybe he should have not used me so much or even let me come over last friday night to his place. Maybe then I could have realized he wasn't a great person and could have learned to let go. But that is exactly the problem. He is a great person, always gets what he wants. In essance, he's me. I always get what I want. I work fuckin hard and always in the end i get what i want. In this instance however, the first time in my life, i can't win him over. i don't know what it is, but anything i try, it's just not good enough for him. it makes me upset because i should have listened to everyone else's opinion of him. no one has anything bad to say about T, i've just heard 'T is a player, watch out', and 'T isn't consistent with his girls' and 'T just uses people to get what he wants'. i chose not to believe these comments because we've been friends for years. little did i know that i would just end up to be another one of his projects. he dropped me yesterday. i was so upset i've never cried so hard. it's just the fact that i have a hard time trusting people now, and i thought since we've been friends for years i could trust him, i was wrong. it just makes me build up my walls even higher and the next person to come along is going to have to break through a lot of my shit to get to know the real me. it's hard because when i saw T tonight i kept telling myself, 'don't let him see how much you like him' and 'don't trust him, he's fucked you over so many times'. it just really hurts to know that someone who i consider close to me, doesn't consider me a good friend at all. what will it take? the worst feeling in the world is feeling not good enough, and that's exactly what i am to him.
love,
b girl
p.s. have a happy christmas
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