Thursday, February 18, 2010
create your own destiny
so i've been doing a lot of thinking lately...and with the help of my shrinker (yes i see a free counselor at school, there's nothing to be ashamed of) i've discovered what type of person i am when it comes to love. i tend to put my heart not only on my sleeve but on the tip of my finger and it seems like before i was willing to let just about anyone toy with my heart and emotions... before when an attractive guy talked to me i just lit up and was excited and wanted to kiss and date..i moved wayyyy to fast! geeeze. i could be considered a lonely type of person, because i love to share my life with people and i love being an important part of other peoples lives...before boys made me feel a little bit more complete inside and made me feel so special and important. no, those boys were not special and treated me good to get what they wanted and then the were gone, poof! whether it be a date for the night, make someone else feel jealous, or them feeling lonely and desperate, i feel as though i've gotten the short end of the stick when it came to relationships. but you know what i'm starting to learn? you first have to love yourself, every little piece and until you love yourself completely and you know exactly what you want, then you are maybe not ready to be in a comitteed relationship because youre not being fair to yourself. lately i've really been thinking about getting a tattoo...it seems so taboo! i've never wanted a tattoo before because i really had no purpose or reason to get one. now that ive lived through a traumatic experience i want to do something to remember to always stay strong no matter what happens and to always keep on loving. my mom got me a ring last year for v-day and it says 'keep on loving' and ive really tried to live life by that motto. no matter what happens to you, or how you can be hurting you just have to remember to love the ones that matter most and also to know that people love you too. keep on loving to me means keep on trucking and dont give up no matter what life throws at you. so i was doing some research and came across a couple good ideas..i love how tattoos look in writing on the ribcage right below the boob area...maybe something about love in a different language written on my left ribcage would be beautiful and it would be right near my heart..that way i'll always know that even though something bad had to happen to me i grew as a person and i'm better now because of it. i don't know what i want it to say though...maybe 'keep on loving always', 'live to love', 'love the life you live', 'cherish the loves of life'. i'm really not sure. i also thought about maybe getting a small heart on my foot somewhere...meaning to always be careful where you step, but make sure to step up when you have the chance to find love. i don't know...but all i can think about right now is getting a tattoo!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
caught a case of boy crazy..
Hello friends,
Why is it that girls are so boy crazy?? I don't know about you all, but they are on my mind 24 hours a day 7 days a week...can't get enough of those good looking guys! So it only makes sense, that I'm never quite fully satisfied..kind of.
This character K I had been 'seeing' for the last couple of months last weekend told me he didn't want to date me, in a nutshell basically..so I was like F off!! Not really because I still like him, but I can't waste my time on boys that don't give a crap..it's not fair. So last night I decided that it's time for 'me' time and to have fun! I went over to my friend A's downtown and met a bunch of sisters there...then went to the bar to meet up with friends and kept noticing my friend H's wandering eyes and hands...and I kind of liked it. I mean I've always had a crush on H and this past summer at we fest we ended up locking lips and it was amazing needless to say..but anyways I ended up taking a cab by myself to his house-not smart! Do not get in a cab by yourself!-and ended up spending the night kissing him and cuddling with him and his wiener dog M. (yes, I even censored the dogs name...you can't be too careful in a world like this!) He is really a great guy and deserves only the best. Ahhhhh I like him a lot...is that a bad thing? Always had a crush on him, we've been friends for years...I think it's ok. Tonight he wants to hang out again and I'm super excited! Have to make sure I wear something sexy! Maybe if I'm lucky enough by the end of the night I'll get to see his wiener again...his wiener dog you perves! bahaha
~B
Why is it that girls are so boy crazy?? I don't know about you all, but they are on my mind 24 hours a day 7 days a week...can't get enough of those good looking guys! So it only makes sense, that I'm never quite fully satisfied..kind of.
This character K I had been 'seeing' for the last couple of months last weekend told me he didn't want to date me, in a nutshell basically..so I was like F off!! Not really because I still like him, but I can't waste my time on boys that don't give a crap..it's not fair. So last night I decided that it's time for 'me' time and to have fun! I went over to my friend A's downtown and met a bunch of sisters there...then went to the bar to meet up with friends and kept noticing my friend H's wandering eyes and hands...and I kind of liked it. I mean I've always had a crush on H and this past summer at we fest we ended up locking lips and it was amazing needless to say..but anyways I ended up taking a cab by myself to his house-not smart! Do not get in a cab by yourself!-and ended up spending the night kissing him and cuddling with him and his wiener dog M. (yes, I even censored the dogs name...you can't be too careful in a world like this!) He is really a great guy and deserves only the best. Ahhhhh I like him a lot...is that a bad thing? Always had a crush on him, we've been friends for years...I think it's ok. Tonight he wants to hang out again and I'm super excited! Have to make sure I wear something sexy! Maybe if I'm lucky enough by the end of the night I'll get to see his wiener again...his wiener dog you perves! bahaha
~B
Sunday, February 7, 2010
fancy fun weekend
I need to post something upbeat after that debbie downer shit I just wrote..ha. Sometimes I feel like writing these wall posts is like writing in a journal that other people can comment on. It's great therapy let me tell you.
So this weekend was so fun. Here's a low down:
Friday:
Went to a bar named Chub's with K (the new boy! not really new, I've known him for years but I finally confessed my undying love to him at the bar on new years when I was a little tipsy. Glad I did though! He asked for my number and we've hung out every weekend since:)) So we'll call him K or Km I haven't decided...anyways went to the bar with his friends, met up with his cousin C and his girlfriend KJ. All his friends are either super serious or engaged. ahh! He came home with me (obviously) and we cuddled and made out it was fun. He is a really great kisser, and he has absolutely no chest or back hair which is amazing in my book. I also tell him that I've never dated someone with so much hair or such controlled eyebrows...he always asks who I've dated then..um hello! Baldies with f'd up eyebrows! Any of my girls can attest to that. He's such a sweetheart but don't get me wrong he can piss me off too. I think he does it cause he thinks I'm cute when I'm mad...not funny K! But anyways he is all that I want but what I cannot get! It's so frusterating...we got into it last night because he said he cant do long distance. Excuse me, 70 miles is not that far! I've dated someone 5 states away for a whole year, 70 miles is completely attainable! I think he uses it as an excuse because he doesn't want to get hurt again. After the fight I turned over on my side and cried myself to sleep while he rubbed my back. He's the sweetest asshole I'll ever know. It was if he said 'I don't want to date you, but I really like you'. WTF dude.
Saturday:
My bestie M's birthday party/going away party. Invited M, B, P and K over to drink before going to the Turf. M got so wasto that at the turf she passed out w her head on the table. K and I decided then it was time to bring her back to my house. After carrying her in the house we set her on the couch to sleep. Speaking of sleep I can't do it anymore without the scary help of ambien. SCARY. That drug makes you feel so trippy and messed up. I didn't take it last night and only got 3 hours of sleep. So I went to the living room, woke M up and we chatted for a few hours. You know you have a great friend when you can wake her up at 4am make half a dozen burritos, eat them all while watching sex and the city and talk about life in general...and after that go back to bed where a cutie ass is waiting to cuddle with you. Oh life was so nice last night:)
Sunday:
P came to pick up M from my house and they invited K and I out for Breake. Delicious, and I paid because I don't want K to think I'm a diggin for gold flakes. Especially when he always buys dinner and drinks for me. He really appreciated it I think. Then he left to go home and I slept on the couch for about 3 hours. I went to the grocery store with my roomie S and bought a shit ton of food I don't need...don't shop on an empty stomach, you will spend every penny you have! Now I'm veggin out procrastinating on studying, and all I want is to go to bed but have K lying in it too...makes me super sad that I only get to see him on the weekends. He told me that he's going fishing with his dad next weekend..aka we're not hanging out for V-day, or should I say VOMIT DAY. Seriously, nobody likes V-day unless they have someone special to share it with. I thought we'd hang out but I guess the fish are calling. Whatevs...I got him a really sassy card that says 'You know by now that I'm very stubborn...but this Valentine's day I want you to know one thing...(open card) I'm worth it!' Thought it was very fitting. I also got him another card that says 'This Valentine's day I hope to get my hands on a lot of junk mail (open card) did I say junk mail? I meant male junk' BAHAHAH! I hope GV isn't embaressed reading this (you know who you are, you own an obese black cat that tried clawing out my eye, that help?)
Anyways, I hate V-day this year...I'm just bitter that K doesn't want to do anything with me.. whatevs..I think I'll play the hard to get card this week, I know that will drive him crazy...good plan.
Goonight peeps,
B
So this weekend was so fun. Here's a low down:
Friday:
Went to a bar named Chub's with K (the new boy! not really new, I've known him for years but I finally confessed my undying love to him at the bar on new years when I was a little tipsy. Glad I did though! He asked for my number and we've hung out every weekend since:)) So we'll call him K or Km I haven't decided...anyways went to the bar with his friends, met up with his cousin C and his girlfriend KJ. All his friends are either super serious or engaged. ahh! He came home with me (obviously) and we cuddled and made out it was fun. He is a really great kisser, and he has absolutely no chest or back hair which is amazing in my book. I also tell him that I've never dated someone with so much hair or such controlled eyebrows...he always asks who I've dated then..um hello! Baldies with f'd up eyebrows! Any of my girls can attest to that. He's such a sweetheart but don't get me wrong he can piss me off too. I think he does it cause he thinks I'm cute when I'm mad...not funny K! But anyways he is all that I want but what I cannot get! It's so frusterating...we got into it last night because he said he cant do long distance. Excuse me, 70 miles is not that far! I've dated someone 5 states away for a whole year, 70 miles is completely attainable! I think he uses it as an excuse because he doesn't want to get hurt again. After the fight I turned over on my side and cried myself to sleep while he rubbed my back. He's the sweetest asshole I'll ever know. It was if he said 'I don't want to date you, but I really like you'. WTF dude.
Saturday:
My bestie M's birthday party/going away party. Invited M, B, P and K over to drink before going to the Turf. M got so wasto that at the turf she passed out w her head on the table. K and I decided then it was time to bring her back to my house. After carrying her in the house we set her on the couch to sleep. Speaking of sleep I can't do it anymore without the scary help of ambien. SCARY. That drug makes you feel so trippy and messed up. I didn't take it last night and only got 3 hours of sleep. So I went to the living room, woke M up and we chatted for a few hours. You know you have a great friend when you can wake her up at 4am make half a dozen burritos, eat them all while watching sex and the city and talk about life in general...and after that go back to bed where a cutie ass is waiting to cuddle with you. Oh life was so nice last night:)
Sunday:
P came to pick up M from my house and they invited K and I out for Breake. Delicious, and I paid because I don't want K to think I'm a diggin for gold flakes. Especially when he always buys dinner and drinks for me. He really appreciated it I think. Then he left to go home and I slept on the couch for about 3 hours. I went to the grocery store with my roomie S and bought a shit ton of food I don't need...don't shop on an empty stomach, you will spend every penny you have! Now I'm veggin out procrastinating on studying, and all I want is to go to bed but have K lying in it too...makes me super sad that I only get to see him on the weekends. He told me that he's going fishing with his dad next weekend..aka we're not hanging out for V-day, or should I say VOMIT DAY. Seriously, nobody likes V-day unless they have someone special to share it with. I thought we'd hang out but I guess the fish are calling. Whatevs...I got him a really sassy card that says 'You know by now that I'm very stubborn...but this Valentine's day I want you to know one thing...(open card) I'm worth it!' Thought it was very fitting. I also got him another card that says 'This Valentine's day I hope to get my hands on a lot of junk mail (open card) did I say junk mail? I meant male junk' BAHAHAH! I hope GV isn't embaressed reading this (you know who you are, you own an obese black cat that tried clawing out my eye, that help?)
Anyways, I hate V-day this year...I'm just bitter that K doesn't want to do anything with me.. whatevs..I think I'll play the hard to get card this week, I know that will drive him crazy...good plan.
Goonight peeps,
B
new year, new life
Back at it. Life took a turn down a one way road and I had to swerve back in forth imbetween oncoming traffic. Got hit by a bus, then run over by a motorcycle then slapped by a shemale. Everything shiny and sparkly had left my life. I layed in bed all day long, lost some good friends, found a new job and am moving to my own apartment. Sometimes in this world the only person you can depend on is yourself. I learned that the hard way.Life has been real shitty since the start of the year. I wasn't actually hit by a bus..just figuratively speaking.
But honestly since you don't know who I am, I can tell you that sometimes life takes a shit on you and you really have to learn how to clean yourself up and get that sparkle back in your eyes. In order to be happy and love yourself, you really need to trust yourself and know that you're a good person no matter what happens. Some things are out of your control and you have to know that it's not your fault. It's so easy to blame yourself, but that will not make you heal and become happy again.
Do what you need to do in life to be a better person. Live for others and take care of yourself. Be friends with loyal, loving and supportive people, the rest don't matter.
To the person that tried to steal everything from me:
FUCK YOU. I hope karma comes up and shoots you in the fucking asshole you cocky ass bitch. If I had it my way, my dad and I would go target shooting and fucking rope you to the target. You would be toast, I would sprinkle cinammon and sugar on you, drench you in gasoline and light you on fire. YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE ROT IN HELL. I told you that you had a horrible name, that I didn't want to dance with you, and never to kiss me. What do I get in return? Everything I've ever worked for stolen. Embaressment in front of my family and friends. A return ticket to court, because apparantly in the state on ND taking advantage of someone when they're intoxicated is perfectly legal. Thank you detective asshole. Every girl who reads this I want you to know one thing: NEVER let yourself get too drunk at the bar while you are with people you think are 'good friends' and NEVER let them leave you at the bar when it's time to go home. I hope you have better friends than me, because maybe if someone was looking out for me that night, I wouldn't have had this happen to me.
I can handle myself, I am a strong, independant young adult who will change my life and become a better person. Currently I'm putting things into perspective: 1.Family 2. Friends 3. School 4. Career and I'm not sure where boys fit in on that list...probably like 1.5 or 2. Make sure that you have good friends who actually care about you enough to drive you to the hospital when you are hurt, or make sure you have a ride home from the bar.
Be the friend to others that you wish you had yourself.
Peace and love,
B
But honestly since you don't know who I am, I can tell you that sometimes life takes a shit on you and you really have to learn how to clean yourself up and get that sparkle back in your eyes. In order to be happy and love yourself, you really need to trust yourself and know that you're a good person no matter what happens. Some things are out of your control and you have to know that it's not your fault. It's so easy to blame yourself, but that will not make you heal and become happy again.
Do what you need to do in life to be a better person. Live for others and take care of yourself. Be friends with loyal, loving and supportive people, the rest don't matter.
To the person that tried to steal everything from me:
FUCK YOU. I hope karma comes up and shoots you in the fucking asshole you cocky ass bitch. If I had it my way, my dad and I would go target shooting and fucking rope you to the target. You would be toast, I would sprinkle cinammon and sugar on you, drench you in gasoline and light you on fire. YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE ROT IN HELL. I told you that you had a horrible name, that I didn't want to dance with you, and never to kiss me. What do I get in return? Everything I've ever worked for stolen. Embaressment in front of my family and friends. A return ticket to court, because apparantly in the state on ND taking advantage of someone when they're intoxicated is perfectly legal. Thank you detective asshole. Every girl who reads this I want you to know one thing: NEVER let yourself get too drunk at the bar while you are with people you think are 'good friends' and NEVER let them leave you at the bar when it's time to go home. I hope you have better friends than me, because maybe if someone was looking out for me that night, I wouldn't have had this happen to me.
I can handle myself, I am a strong, independant young adult who will change my life and become a better person. Currently I'm putting things into perspective: 1.Family 2. Friends 3. School 4. Career and I'm not sure where boys fit in on that list...probably like 1.5 or 2. Make sure that you have good friends who actually care about you enough to drive you to the hospital when you are hurt, or make sure you have a ride home from the bar.
Be the friend to others that you wish you had yourself.
Peace and love,
B
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